Monday, March 2, 2009

Erma Bombeck - On Motherhood

To all my Mommy-Blogger Friends, With Love.
You make me want to become one.. well almost! :)

And most of all, To my Little Sis-
Its ok to want to fling your Little Devil out of the window once in a while!

1.All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
2.A child who is left at home alone, during school holidays, knows its a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
3.Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
4.Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
5.In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
6.It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
7.It is advisable to put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
8.My teenage kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
9.My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
10.My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
11.Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
12.No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
13.Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do a far better job - are really asking for it.
14.When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
15.When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
16.Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that PT uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
17.Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
18.Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?"
19.The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you a re served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"

And finally

20. When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

The reason I love to read Erma Bombeck is because I can identify a part of myself in every piece that she has ever written!
I hope you guys loved this as much as I did!

23 comments:

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

HAHAHAHA!! ROFL!! I just LOVED this! I have always loved Erma Bombeck. She was also a magnificent person too!

Thanks for this!!

Unknown said...

Love it ,love it ,love it.To be a woman and to hate household chores is bad enough but to be a stay at home mom and hate it is even worse.
And the children....well I dont remember the last time I used the bathroom without an audience who either gleefully monitors my every move or insists on hurrying me with the excuse of wanting to use the same facility .....this is the moment which never fails to unravel me and I want to do some 'flinging' of my own.

Reflections said...

LOL there is more than a grain of truth in every sentence:-D

It is advisable to put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
We've put off even buying new furniture for another 3 yrs:-(

"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States."

And with this statement she's got herself another fan:-D

Renu said...

lovely:)
.It is advisable to put off entertaining until the kids are grown.-----so true, I would say even going out also be postpones otherwise outiders also suffer:)

Sunshine said...

lol this is awesome! i cant say (yet!) whether appropriate or not but def hilarious! :)

DeeplyDip said...

lol..lol..lol...truly enjoyed reading it - esp #3, 5, 12, 15, 16 and 18!

Poonam J said...

hahaha...i laughed and laughed, and then missed my kids...empty nest.and all we do is wait for the kids to visit, more so now that we are brand new grandparents. smiled thinking our daughter shall relive the nighmare too. Loved reading your post and told myself have to read more of Erma, have just read this one"If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits", Loved this book.Thanx for this post.

Indian Home Maker said...

Rotfl Loved it ....
Including ...
'16.Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that PT uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.'
But actually each one !!

lol

Piper .. said...

Mamma mia! : yes, isnt this awesome! Actually I first read her 'Family:Ties that bind...and gag!!" and loved it. Have been hooked ever since!

Chrysalis: :) I thought you would love this, with two lil ones at home full time :):)

Reflections: Isnt there,Nancy? That`s why,even though I have no kids, I can relate to almost everything she writes! :):) And why postpone furniture buying? I had the impression your daughters were lil angels :):)

Renu: so true! atleast to movie halls!! :):)

Sunshine: yeah, isnt it? I dont have no kids, but this still makes a great read!

DeeplyDip: :):) #15 and 18 are my personal favourites too!! It still happens at home!! :):)

Poonam Mam: Honored to have you here! :):) Welcome! Thanks for your generous comments. And yes, I did read about Meher. She`s such a sweetheart really! I can understand what you`re going through, because my parents are in the same state. My sister`s son is about two now and they just returned back to the US after a 3 months stay at home. You can understand how much they miss him :):)

IHM: I`m so glad you like it! Infact, have you read 'Family:Ties that bind ..and gag" ?? Do read it sometime. Its beautiful!:):)

Indyeah said...

lol!
This is so much fun to read Piper!
thanks for sharing!
I have so many of her books that woman can write:D

Indian Home Maker said...

Piper, will definitely do :)

Anonymous said...

rofl too funny!!

and i am not even a mummy yet! :D

Anonymous said...

Aww..that was absolutely lovely! I can identify with almost all of it..how beautifully worded. Thanks for sharing this, Piper.

Piper .. said...

Indyeah: yup, me too! I love reading her books! :)

Roop: me neither buddy! But there`s something about the way she writes, that is really touching!

writerzblock: :):) I knnow what you mean!

Serendipity said...

this was really cute! have copy pasted and email to few ppl :)

moon said...

this is so true...well i am one of those who felt and insisted that my daughter should behave perfect..then i realised..hare yaar if kids dont nehave naughty , at what age they can..so i am trying to live it with ..

Piper .. said...

Serendipity: :):) Its so cute,isnt it? Actually anyone can relate to this really.

Sunder: 'Trying to live with it'!!! :):) that is just so cute! How naughty can a daughter get,I`m wondering.. I should ask my mom, cause I`m famous in the family circle for being realllllllly naughty :):)

Anonymous said...

Ha..ha..haa Mishy. This is Howlarious!

As someone once said. those who don't have kids cry for sometime, those who have cry a lifetime. :)):))

Mystic Margarita said...

You reminded me again why love Bombeck!
"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?" - my current theory on housework, too! :p

Piper .. said...

Solilo: :):) your comment sums it up good and proper!

Mystic: Mine too!(and not yet a mother!) :):)

Preeti Sharma said...

Funny funny funny.

The stuff no one tells you about rearing a child!!

my space said...

Lol!! I loved it and can relate to it Absolutely!! I think i will make a sp note of..no one died of sleeping on an unmade bed...
I liked the last one too..participant to spectator..

Anonymous said...

long timesince i read a bombeck.
thanks for posting this...