Sunday, June 7, 2009

Back in the US of A..

And I`m back, though not quite on track.
Thank you all, for remembering me in your prayers. I`m deeply overwhelmed by the surge of emails and comments, asking me to come back.
I am back. But somehow, it feels dry. Words abandon me. I know not what to write.
No one wants to hear sob stories of my life. No one wants to read sad stuff. And that`s all I have left now. Or so it seems.
It feels awkward in my own home. So quiet. So alone. Listening to my own voice for company. No horns blaring. No one shouting. No cows on the road. No water-logged drains. No jostling and shoving. No fighting to board a train.No children playing in the gutters. No wiping of sweaty foreheads. No cursing the weather. No smell of sweat. No Mainland China. Or the neighbourhood tea stall. No arguments over cups of tea. No homemade yogurt. No smell of fish. No walks in the rain. No candles burning. No smell of incense rising up in the air.
It feels strange. It feels distant.
But that`s not because my life has suddenly changed.
Just that it always feels this way to return back to a country I dont belong to, to people I dont belong to, to a place I have no right over, to a nation where I am a 'resident alien' reduced to a numerical.
Doesnt it always feel that way to return back from home?

31 comments:

neeraj_only said...

Hey piper , we don't get everything in life all the time ....oops! me giving funda to senior.. Sorryji :)

really touching , u r missing india ( still a dirty world...for the developed world)

go strong piper, u were missed big time on blog world

Anonymous said...

No horns blaring. No one shouting. No cows on the road. No water-logged drains. No jostling and shoving. ...No homemade yogurt. ...the air.

I can imagine how you miss all of this :(
You will settle down in a while!

moon said...

Welcome back..take your time..by the way home is always the place we live..sooner you will feel US of A your sweet home...

Reflections said...

Glad to see u back:-)!!!!!!!!!!

Solilo said...

Mish, Good to see you back. Your words....{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}

Mystic Margarita said...

Welcome back, Mishy. Give it a few days and it will feel like home once again. Hugs.

D said...

Taker Piper and give yourself time - it is the best healer.

Meanwhile, I'm just glad to have you back here :)

Take care.

Fram Actual said...

This post does make me smile, Piper.

I think I always have been a "resident alien" no matter where I am, and have yet to find a place that feels like home to me. Other than familiar objects surrounding me from time to time in a single location, I always am on my way to somewhere else and never quite reaching anywhere that feels comfortable and safe.

In any case, I am happy to see you back at your blog home.

Unknown said...

Piper: Most of all welcome back. You have had it very tough these past few months. Take some rest and regain your strength and spirits.
About feeling alien here....I always felt that..the silence in fact is killing after you come back from HOME...I knew it in the first 2 months that I do not belong here...I might crib about the weather, the 'system'the chaos but as has been famously said its 'MY' chaos. And that is my home.

Just call me 'A' said...

yes honey, away from home always feels strange. but you will settle down in a while. habit will make you do things you did before without too much thought. life is a bastard and we can never really understand everything about it. so just take a day at a time and it will get better. promise.

i did a tag yesterday and you were one of the people i tagged simply because i wanted you to come back and write something, even if it was random stuff. we all have to start again from somewhere.
love and hugs. take care

Deeps said...

Absolutely,Mishy..a trip back from home always makes you yearn to get go back its comforting folds.
Glad to have you back:)
Hugs to you from me & Namnam:))

Amrita said...

It always feels like that when you come back from home - you will feel like a resident alien literally. Dont worry, you will get used to it and move on. Dont worry at all. Take care and pray for the strength to come back to you.
*Hugs*

Amrita said...

And even if you are sad, you can post your stuff. Give a damn to what people want to read/hear. Tell what you want to say. Those who care will hear and it will be a good catharsis.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back Piper:)
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

It feels awkward in my own home. So quiet. So alone. Listening to my own voice for company. No horns blaring. No one shouting. No cows on the road. No water-logged drains. No jostling and shoving. No fighting to board a train.No children playing in the gutters. No wiping of sweaty foreheads. No cursing the weather. No smell of sweat. No Mainland China. Or the neighbourhood tea stall. No arguments over cups of tea. No homemade yogurt. No smell of fish. No walks in the rain. No candles burning. No smell of incense rising up in the air.
It feels strange. It feels distant.

you write this and still say you dont have words?
this touched a chord...

welcome back darl(((Hugs))))
come back whenever you want to share..we all are right here...

Jira said...

Good to see u back Piper...
I can understand how you feel. You have been through a lot the past few weeks, and it is going to take time to get back to routine, in a far away land...
hugs....
Time is the best healer, but it can be the worst enemy too...Maybe you can engage in volunteering or some such if you are upto it. It may take your mind off the grief and provide a fulfilling distraction...
take care...

Btw my defense is in July. Will be back in full form after that :)

Anonymous said...

Piper.. your post made me smile!! I have lived all my life in a country not my home country!! Always a resident alien!! But strangely and truly have loved this place.. coz its the only home I know!!

You'll be ok in a little while. People do get like that.. when they return from India!! I know!!! Plus you've gone through quite a bit.. and settling down will take some time...

So come.. join me with your cup or tea or coffee.. and write a happy post for us to read... All those who have been waiting for you to come back!!

Come back soon... with a happy post!!

Piper .. said...

Neeraj: Of course I miss home. Inspite of all the luxuries and the ease of life here, home is where the heart is :)

IHM: hopefully sooner than later :(

Sunder: I know, I know.. Its just a passing phase. The first few days after a trip back home, always feels kind of unsettling..How have you been?

Reflections: Nancy, thank you :))) I`ve missed reading you. Shall hop over at once :-)

Solilo: :-)) thanks for making me feel so loved :-)) Missed reading you guys. How`s Peanut doing?

Piper .. said...

Mystic: I guess so.. How`ve you been? Shall call you up one of these days. How`s Popol?

D: :)) thanks D! I missed reading your posts. Shall go over the archives right now, to see what all I`ve missed. How`ve you been?

Fram: Oh Fram, I was wondering if you`d understand. It always feels this way after a trip back home. I`ve missed reading you. Shall hop over right now. How`ve you been?

Chrysalis: Thanks my friend. I know you`d understand. How`ve you been? And the lil ones?

Piper .. said...

Just call me A: Hey thanks a ton, my friend! I`m so, so touched by this gesture. You make me feel so loved! :):) Shall do the tag of course. Let me hop over right now :) How`ve you been??

Deeps: Heyyy long, long time.. how`ve you been?? Hugs to lil Namnam and you too. :):)

Amrita: thanks for your words of support. Its been a long time. How have you been?

Indyeah: Heyy... thanks a ton for all the love and hugs. I`m so touched, my friend. What`s on with you? Have to go through the archives to see what`s happening at your end..

Jira: Heyyyy long, long time.. I guess you`re right. I do need some distraction. Was hoping to start school this fall. Of course things didnt work out as planned. All the best for the defense. You still have a month to go. Come back soon. Its been so long.. :):)

Patricia: Hey thanks. I`ll try and write a cheerful post soon :):) What`s on at your end?

Salina said...

Good to c u back Piper! Have missed u and ur writing. Take all the time u need...u have all the support! I will think of u when I have my cup of chai..and write whatever u want, whenever u want...(((HUGZZZ)))

Piper .. said...

Salina: Good to see you back in my blog world too :):)

Anonymous said...

Piper,
I totally totally agree. Every time I am in India, I curse the weather and the traffic and the congestion, and the people too. And the moment I return 'home', I feel so alienated from life itself. Life outside India is way too quiet...its like there is no life at all! But its just a matter of time, and then we get back into the swing of things. Sometimes I feel like just packing my bags and returning to Mera Bharath Mahan.
U take care, girl, and please please keep posting. We are all here for you, waiting to read about your happy and sad moments alike.
Hugs....
Pal

Piper .. said...

writerzblock: :):) thanks for the wonderfully warm comment! I guess its the same for all of us who stay so far away from home. I`m trying to be back in form..:) Thanks for the encouragement sweetie..

J P Joshi said...

It is nice to see you blogging once again. Yes, after the chaotic, over crowded, never dull, ever changing, unpredictable, colourful, always exasperating, always a treat to ALL THE FIVE senses - a country like India; the US seems to be sanitised, 'only perfumed breath and sweat accepted here', perfectly predictable and so lonely - one needs an appointment to talk too.

I have this saying, "Life is simple in India, living is tough and life is tough in the US but living is simple". My S-I-L says India has A set of problems and the US has B set of problems, and I am willing to live with the B set of problems.

Both countries have their own pros and cons. Depending on individual needs and wants, the terms of reference, and in turn the definition of home also changes. It should, if one has to be at peace.

Piper .. said...

J P Joshi Sir: :):) you`ve said it right! I would much rather live with the B set of problems any day :) and yet I sit and crib everytime I leave home..

Iya said...

hey piper, i came here before and read about ur Dad. was so sorry and didnt know what to say said a prayer and left.
Cam today to read this and am an so overwhelmed. take care.

Nancy told me that yu r from Ranchi so i wanted to connect. Drop me a mail..

Piper .. said...

Iya: :) welcome to my space! And thanks for the warm comment. Yup, I`m from Ranchi. And looks like so are you! Shall definitely love to connect.

Deeps said...

Hey!hopped over to hug you back :)
All well at your end??

Anonymous said...

You know what I love most about your posts - the honesty... and you find such funny words to deliver that!
I remember the occassion - the recitation at RKM, our prep leading up to that - the bus ride to the venue, the event and the victim! How I miss those fun-filled days my friend...you have been such an intergral part of it - Thanks!
...J

Piper .. said...

J: :) you do remember! :) How I miss those days too.. And about being honest, well coming from you, that`s a very big complement - you`re the only one who`s known me for the longest time. :)

Sunshine said...

i know exactly wt u mean!! despite the troubles that come with living in india...it is def something that is missed as well!!

im back! and the grind begins again... :)

*hugz* and welcome back to blogging! :)