That`s not the problem. The problem is that I feel the need to voice them.
There was a point in my life when I was proud of who I was. Proud of the fact that I could speak my mind loud and clear. I was honest and upright about things. Not any more. No, I havent stopped being candid. Just that I have stopped feeling proud of it.
People dont necessarily like candid people. I dont understand the dichotomy. People appreciate honest deeds but not honest words. And it leaves me confused. If I disagree with you and give you reasons for it, you dislike me. If I say the same thing under the guise of smiles and cotton fluffs and such like, I may stand a chance. Better still, if I acquiesce! People seek out audiences that reflect their own perceptions of themselves. They do not care if I actually believe in them and their ideologies. They simply want me to convince them that I do. They want complex and braided acts, all garnish and frills and words.
But I cannot give that to you, I say. I cannot be what you want me to be. I cannot live life in a reactive mode for long. Because after a while, something snaps and I find myself rebelling. A ball of fire slowly rises and bursts forth. So much so, that many who stand close, have to move aside so as not to get torn in the blast. Not worth it, I say. Definitely not worth it. And so I go about as I normally do; annoying the people who demand conformity and twisted acts in return for frivolous banter over home cooked dinner. I refuse to be 'politically correct'.
But then comes a time when I get scared.
Imagine being caged up with someone whose brains have been eaten away by disease. Imagine being unarmed, with nothing but your words and your thoughts. You scream at the creature to stop. You shout out reasons why it should not attack you. You see blazing eyes and a moving tongue that doesnt know when to stop. And you know that the thing cant see, nor hear you. It cannot be reached. Not in any way. Never through your words. And yet there it is, breathing and moving around in front of you with an agenda of its own. Now that is horror, I say. That is what scares me. That there are several such creatures hovering in and around.. And my words are not enough to make them stop.
The only conclusion I can draw therefore, is to simply keep quiet and ignore till I am harmed. To keep my words to myself. Because, for people who decided to leave their brains behind as they were growing up, my words wont make a difference anyway..
"People want nothing but mirrors around them, to reflect while they are reflecting too. Like the senseless infinity you get from two mirrors facing each other along a narrow passage. Reflection of reflections. Echo of echoes. No beginning and no end. No center and no purpose. That is what people want."
Dominique Francon
The Fountainhead
*The example quoted is from The Fountainhead too*
20 comments:
HI
Very true honest words and ohw defenitely you will end up as the odd one. we should learn to exhibit two faces thats the pace now.. Dont get disheartened truth alone will win at the end !
True! Very true piper! Poeple think it's their right to voice opinion but forget that it's not an individual right! Have been there done that.. in fact still do that at times ... when the level of tolerance shoots up way beyond the acceptable level. But for the rest of the times I agree when you say - "To keep my words to myself. Because, for people who have decided to leave their brains behind as they were growing up, my words wont make a difference anyway".
To quote - "Well, my deliberate opinion is - it's a jolly strange world" - Arnold Bennett
Alert - Long comment.
First off, you have a great vocab. I actually had to check the online dictionary a couple of times, during the post. Stop taunting the likes of me.... please!
It is strange that just yesterday, I was trying to write a post called 'Cloning Of mankind', very much along the lines of thought in this post. Never got around to actually write it somehow. You know since I became a mother, I have started realising, just how much the world wants to put people in moulds. The same one infact. Every child should take the first steps in the 11th month, ever child should listen to their parents, every child should have a vocab of 30 words by xyz age.... its crazy. What about each child being different, just as they would be when the grow up?
Like every Muslim wants the whole world to be Muslim, every one wants that the world to be a perfect reflection of themselves indeed, an inherent desire to have clones all around. Each one believes their lifestyle, life choices are the best and every one should follow it to the core, and the slightest deviation is simply not right, it is not thought of as different, but in terms of right and wrong. The kind of intolerance we are breeding is really really scary.
And now... what led to this post??
oh ho ho "I have a problem. I am a person who must have an opinion on everything.
That`s not the problem. The problem is that I feel the need to voice them." these linessss.. its so me.. that i had to comment without reading the full post... :) Sameee pinchieee :)
I can completely understand this post, and I would also suggest, please do not remove this post from your blog, as you had done for one of your other candid posts...
See, many a times its a balance which might work maybe.. like.. i am not sure, but i do this, I keep quiet under some circumstances but then, i put forth my opinion so bluntly, so rudely and with so much finality, I jus make my stand clear, giving 2 hoots to what others might think or how others might act.... Works for me sometimes, other times it completely boomerangs... Am not sure if would be a viable solution for your circumstances....
But one thing, dont leave ur self...please
very thought provoking !..even I am very straightforward , but of late I have realised that our main aim is that our views should reach others, so how they reach shouldnt be very important...so if we can sugarcoat them a little there is no harm, if our purpose is solved.
So true.... very well written. Especially that people appreciate good deeds and not honest words. Very nice.
I think its okay to be opinionated and be true to the word and be honest to accept if you were at fault. Its hard to find such people!
Hey Piper...we seem to be going through the same emotions....I have lived most of my life not reacting to whtat others say, I truly believe to each his own...and I was proud of that..off late something in me has snapped too..and now I voice my opinion..but I try not voicing it strongly..becaz yes while people like honest deeds, they donot like honest words..remb. Dear..Truth hurts...so life shall teach you to say it in a manner where truth shall be delivered without hurting..till then continue being what you are..the ones who understand you , know u will always be around and the ones who donot..well they were not meant to be around.
Joe is a very straightforward humanbeing who does not mince words, but I try to sugar coat and say things, nobody likes swallowing a bitter pill..
'People appreciate honest deeds but not honest words' - hw true! U put them all in words so easily Piper.
Let's be what we are Piper! Itz so hard on us to change ourselves the way all those around want us to be, even if it a bitter version of what we r :( :(
Tara: Firstly, welcome to my space! :) And most definitely, I do end up feeling horribly out of tune under the circumstances, esp when everyone else keeps quiet. May be that`s the way to go, really :):)
Sagarika: BUt it is an individual right to voice one`s opinion. There is no compulsion to agree.There are polite ways of disagreeing too. And that is what I have been trying to say. To be able to disagree respectfully, instead of making the other person feel like an outcast! What say?
Goof: I agree. I totally detest these molds that people throw you into. The fact that one has to conform to their views and it is a sacrilege if one doesnt! What scares me is the rudeness one encounters when one differs in perspective. I should be allowed to keep my opinions and voice them too, right? Shall write to you about the triggers!!
Amrita: Oh how well you know me! :) Dont worry, I wont remove this post! This isnt overtly directed at anyone, so I am not scared of confrontation this time :):)
Renu: Coming from you, this is a little surprising - given that you are one of the most candid person I`ve known in the blog world! You never sugar coat! :):)I love to read you because you always speak your mind! I tend to disagree with you often, but I do it respectfully - and inspite of disagreeing with you, we are on great terms! Because both of us know how to respect the other`s perspective(which is different from one`s own!). Isnt that true??
GNSD: :):) Thanks, my friend - though sometimes it is a matter of fact! I dont really need to be brutally honest all the time :) But that`s not the point. The point is to be able to disagree amicably! :)
Poonam mam: Bang on! No one likes to swallow a bitter pill. But sometimes, it is not about comments directed at an individual. It is an opinion that I might be having about religion or politics or Indian families in the US. And those opinions may be different from others in the group. Does that make me an outcast? That is what I`m talking about.
Swaram: I dont think I`ll ever change :):) I always tend to fall into trouble because I cant keep shut!! :):) Somehow that`s a lesson I`ve never learnt!
I second Swaram on this "let's just be what we are"!!
You have written beautifully, my first time here :-)
Very few appreciate honest words because most people are in denial about themselves/issues/whatever else that concerns them. The few that do, are the ones who have their feet planted firmly on the ground and are not in denial about themselves.
Same goes for those who can voice the truth -- because again, not many can because of self-denial, fear of causing hurt, keeping peace, selfish gains and other personal reasons.
Since you are one of those who is strong enough to speak the truth, don't lose that quality. If people ignore it, let it be. They are being who they are by living in denial. You be who YOU are and do what you feel right.
Your post reminds me of Cassandra - no one believed her prophetic truths either, causing her tremendous pain and anguish. Hope te hugs I send you help :)
Sandhya: Welcome to my blog! :) And thanks for the comment :) Sure hope you visit again! :)
Mystic: Bang on! I couldnt have put it better! Some people simply live in denial! And I havent been put on this earth to rectify that! :):)
And Cassandra??!!!! Oh Pleaseeee!! :):) I do see why you might have made a comparison though ;);) A combination of prophetic powers / intense understanding of mankind along with the powerlessness (the curse that no one would ever believe her prophecies! However, the curse was on mankind though,dont you think? Because even if no one did believe her, her prophecies were true! :):)
People appreciate honest deeds but not honest words.
...and truer words have not been spoken!
Piper....In response to your reply...no you are not an outcast, all becaz you think differently...but not every body can digest a difference of opinion..and I for one, donot have an opinion for such people...I have learnt to sit there and nod, sometimes within the family and sometimes outside..becaz then you are labelled argumentative, and not as some one who has a different view point[discussion it starts with , but does not remain]Such people sure want their opinion to be respected, but forget to show the same respect..so I'd rather have a one sided conversation.You just say it strongly....To keep my words to myself. Because, for people who have decided to leave their brains behind as they were growing up, my words wont make a difference anyway".
I have learnt to ignore and yes sit there with a stupid grin on my face...You shall do this too...you are getting there, till then continue voicing your thoughts here, and one day when we get back to these posts we shall realize we have come a long way in life.
:)...I have always been very striaght in voicing my opinions, but then I have hurt a few people also:)..what the heck, we cant always live according to what others dictate..as long as we are right..its OK:)
and I nevr dislike disagreements,rather I look for them as they stimulate me mentally, compel me to think:)
You have put the feelings into word perfectly. I have felt this many times, but never been able to express this beautifully. Many a times I just keep wondering, how different and better it could be if some words were not uttered demanding conformity from others...
Sunshine: Isnt it true? No one appreciates honest words. Perhaps because most live in denial all the time!
Poonam Mam: I`m not sure I`m quite there - in fact not even remotely close. BUt hopefully, someday I shall :):)
Renu: I know of some popular bloggers who literally bare their teeth at you if you dare disagree! You are MOST DEFINITELY one of them. And that`s why so many of us love reading you :):)
Lakshmi: Thank you :) Yes, it can be quite upsetting if people force their opinions on you. And as if that isnt enough, they`ll expect you to blindly follow suit too! :) It`s actually funny, if you think about it! :)
I second Swaram on this. Just be what you are, Mish. Dont change just because others want you to. If they dont approve of what you say, its their will, but you have every right to your opinions. So go ahead voice them.
Deeps: I agree! There`s a group on FB which says "I dont care if you dont like me. I wasnt put on this earth to please you!". Needless to say, I joined!!! :):):):)
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