Tuesday, June 23, 2009

And Trouble..Yet Again!!

Mom`s purse got stolen from the train last night. She was traveling with my sister to Kolkata for a visa interview. She was traveling without Dad for the very first time in 36 years!
The loss wasnt substantial. The purse had an ICICI ATM card, a Kolkata sim card, Dad`s photograph and about Rs 2500 or so. After an hour`s anxious efforts to block the card, we finally managed to do so. The money in the bank was intact.
The F.I.R was lodged. And a (duplicate)return train ticket was issued. All was well. Atleast for the time being.
But I was angry. Angry as hell. We didnt need this. Really we didnt. One fuckin` trouble after another! Why us? Why us, all the fuckin` time???
*Apologies for swearing on a public forum!*

As I sat seething, a happy memory from the past crept its way back into my soul.

One friday afternoon,Ma took me and my sister to a fair to buy a pullover for Dad. With the two of us(all of 8 and 10) clinging onto her two arms, a spring in her steps and a sparkle on her lips, she set out. I remember roaming the entire stretch of the fair till Ma finally converged on a pullover that she found smart enough for Dad to wear! She bargained with the owner of the stall and settled for Rs 300. As she opened her bag to remove her purse, she realized it was gone! Someone had managed to slit the bag with a knife and remove the purse! She turned white, apologized to the owner and pulled us away from the stall. We quietly hopped onto a rickshaw and headed for Grandpa`s place where Dad was to pick us up on his way back from the Office.
I remember like it was yesterday.Ma broke down and cried the moment Dad returned.She had lost Dad`s hard-earned money... a few hundred bucks, she said. Dad simply laughed in reassurance and said its only money, just a few pieces of paper. It`ll come back.
I dont know if it did. But I do remember how Ma cheered up instantly. I remember that feeling of warmth that came from seeing them together this way..
When I heard Ma sobbing quietly on the phone, I wondered if she was waiting for Dad to return back, to reassure her that all was well. That it was only paper.
The loss wasnt really much, I told her. We`re lucky her passport wasnt in the purse! See, He`s up there looking over us, I said. We`ll be fine.
But it didnt feel fine. The whole thing left all three of us pretty shaken up. We could seriously do without this kind of trouble.
We spoke for a while about Dad. My sister and I cracked a few jokes about the visa interview. My aunt(one of the very few friends I have)talked of a few things from the times we were happy. And suddenly we were all ok. Once again, at ease.
We missed Dad. We missed the quiet assurance his mere presence gave us. But we are going to be fine,I thought.
We always have..

I sat alone in the den reminiscing. I wondered what I would do or say if Dad was to come back for a minute. I know he will not. Never ever.
But still..just in case.
And then there was a small thud. Perhaps in my mind.
Was it Dad?
Was it just my imagination? Or was it simply a tear landing softly on my soul...?



Sometimes its stifling. Nauseating. Like a huge weight on my chest. Sometimes it hurts so bad that I feel this pain will never end.
But I guess it does..
I hope it does someday..

35 comments:

Mystic Margarita said...

I would like to think your dad is indeed watching over your mother, Mishy. Because the card was blocked in time before any fraud, the passport wasn't in the purse, and the money is, like your dad had said, just money. But it's really sad that kakima, you, and you sister had to go through another stressful thing so soon after the tragedy. And Mish, ihe intensity of the pain wears off with time but the sense of loss doesn't ever. Hugs.

Solilo said...

"When I heard Ma sobbing quietly on the phone, I wondered if she was waiting for Dad to return back, to reassure her that all was well. That it was only paper. "

Mish, I had tears reading this. I could imagine auntie.

Why does it happen that when it is time for the couple to spend sometime all by themselves, enjoying each other's company without responsibility of bringing up children, that one leaves to never come back. :(

{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}

Solilo said...

"Sometimes its stifling. Nauseating. Like a huge weight on my chest. Sometimes it hurts so bad that I feel this pain will never end.
But I guess it does..
I hope it does someday.."

It tough na...I can't imagine, Mish. I am all chocked up.
Words fail me.

Suparna Bardhan said...

Dear Piper,
I am so sorry this happened to your mom.

SD said...

Hugs, tight hugs woman. Think about it this way, either ways, your father would not like you, your mother or sister to be sad right? So try to be happy. Think of the great times you have had with him, the love and peace he has brought into your life.Remember him with a smile and not a tear, try it, you can do it. Its not easy, but you can. lots of love to you Mishy!

D said...

Oh gosh, what does one say to that?
Remember Piper, that letting go is the only way to assuage that pain. And you will get there when the time comes. *Hugs, hugs and hugs*

Amrita said...

This too shall pass dear... dont you worry.. but till then, you have to endure the pain... thats how life works i suppose :(

Deeps said...

Oh Mishy,some days of your life seem as though they are just not made for you and those are the days that seem like eternity. But trust me,you,your Ma and your sister with get over them soon.You will.Right now words are only I have to give you a positivity in life. So stay positive,sweety!

May God give you the strength to come out of this agonizing pain sooner.
(((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

What do I say Piper?
I am sitting here teary eyed trying to imagine what Aunty must be feeling..and I am barely able to imagine it..
all the memories that must have come rushing back to her..


Piper your dad is smiling..I know....
he is looking out for his soulmate...

the pain will go one day Piper..it will...not fully..there will always be an ache inside....but it wont be as bad as now...when you are almost doubling over with all of it...

the beautiful memories will remain....you will smile one day thinking of him ...one day at a time..but you will get there.....

((((((((hugs))))))))darling friend...

my space said...

"Hugs"...Mishy i know its tough to go on but go on we must...I am sure he is up there watching you all..and it must be real tough for ur Mom...it made me cry..u tc..

Sraboney said...

I too think your dad is watching over your mom - nothing was 'really' lost other than Rs.2500...The important thing is that your mom and your sis are fine and unhurt...I know when things start going wrong, they do so for a period of time...It has happened to me too...So don't worry, things will be fine soon...

neeraj_only said...

I wish thieves know what they are doing.
Atleast some important document were not lost .

Many times we think "why me?" , sad ,no answer of same is available for anyone .
We can only say , "Every thing will be fine ".

Poonam J said...

Piper , I finally resurfaced..Hope your mum is feeling better.Loosing a loved one does hurt so much...sadly the pain now is part of the happiness then...arent we glad for the happy memories that enrich our lives,they atleast help to bring a smile thru tears. Happiness shall always be mixed with sadness, so is the sense of loss, so is Life.

Unknown said...

Okay so I feel like howling. I am sure your mom must have wanted your dad so bad... to say the same thing he said so many years back...
My throat hurts from not crying...love and hugs to her and to you sisters too.

Jira said...

Oh Piper! Hugs girl....
I can see how much your dad was part of your lives! A wonderful, warm man! Your feeling of pain is part of the grieving process. It is going to take time for it to ease, but you will get there...
But I am sure your dad is watching over all of you. Like you said there was no major damage done!

Hugs....I don't know what else to say...

Fram Actual said...

Find a rope to hold on to, Piper, and ride out the storm.

Someone once said words to the effect, the sun is always brightest after a storm. I think that is true.

Just call me 'A' said...

Pips, the pain will subside gradually, it's intensity will wear off but the gap will always be there. that is the truth we are all forced to live with.
My heart feels so heavy for you and your mom and for having to go through memories that remind you so much of yesterday. it really does not help I know to tell you that it will pass because you're in the here and now of it. You're your mom's strength now so find ways to assure her.
and we're here for you (or at least I am. I can only speak for myself). abuse all you want, don't apologies for it, let it out, scream, shout, anything. your friends here understand you.

Piper .. said...

Mystic: You`re right. He pbly was watching over us! Inspite of everything, in the end things are ok. Ma got the visa(nothing short of a miracle,buts that another post!). Hey, when is a good time to call? I`ve been wanting to talk to ya..

Solilo: I`m just so grateful for your presence,Sols! Its all that matters really. You know what hurts most right now? That people I thought as family, have distanced themselves from me,for lack of words to say.. I`m really grateful to you for sticking around. Hugs.

Sups: I`m sorry too, that we have to go through this. How`ve u been? And Suz?

GM: Your words make me feel so warm :) Yes, that`s what we`re trying to do. Trying to smile, thinking of Baba. Its not easy. But With time it`ll be..

D: Like I said to Solilo, I`m deeply grateful to all of you for sticking around,which is more than what I can say for the people in my 'real' life. It means a lot to me,D. I dont know about letting go. But yes, with time it shall get easy to live with the sense of loss. I`m positive it will.

Amrita: Yes, that`s exactly how life works! What a pity! :(

Piper .. said...

Deeps: Your words are all I need :) Thank you sincerely, for being there for me, for being patient with me, for hearing me out. I dont know what I would have done otherwise. Hugs.

Indyeah: :) Your words have me smiling already! Hugs to you too,my friend. Your support means a lot to me. I know that with time, it shall get easier to live with the loss. For now, I shall try to look forward..

My Space: Heyy, thanks my friend. Thank you so much..

Sraboney: yes, I know Baba`s pbly out there somewhere. Though I wish I had a way of knowing that he`s doing ok without us too. Thanks for being there, my friend. It means a whole lot to me and more..

Neeraj: Yes, the "Why Me?" qstns can be tough!! Especially because you have no answers really! I hope things shall be ok over time.. Thanks for your words my friend.. How`s Ranchi?

Poonam Mam: Heyy you`re back! Mam, thanks so much for your words of support. In fact your post gave me a lot of strength. Sometimes grief is difficult to deal with. But over time, I guess it`ll b easier..

Piper .. said...

Chrysalis: Thanks my friend.. I dunno how to thank you for sticking around at a time when I most need all of you.. Hugs.

Jira: You`ve said it all..Thanks for the wonderful words and for being there for me. Yes, Its a part of grieving. I hope it`ll be easier as time passes. Hugs to you too. How`s the thesis coming up?

Fram: Ohh Fram, yes. I`m trying so hard to look out for the sun, grasp onto a ray and sail across the horizon to happy lands... All in good time I suppose. Thanks much for sticking around during this phase..

A: Thank you my friend. I know you`re there. The thought comforts me so much..we`re trying so hard to hold onto the happy memories and sail on by..

moon said...

Yes it is most difficult time....time is the only healer..

Anonymous said...

My darling Piper...

This morning, I met my friend's daughter. She is all of 5 years and looks EXACTLY like him, talks and even walks exactly like him. Only, he passed away two years ago.

I feel a HUGE weight on my chest too, Mishy. And I feel so sick from the bottom of my heart, that this little BABY cannot see or play with her daddy any more.

I guess we are all really lucky to have our parents around until we are old enough to look after ourselves.

Take care, my dear girl.
-Pal

Piper .. said...

Sunder: you`re right, my friend. Time,indeed is a big healer..

Writerzblock: :(:( my heart cries out for the lil girl too. You know, we`re seriously lucky to have had both parents during the formative years of our lives, when we most needed them. Some arent that lucky. My dad wasnt. He lost his parents when he was quite young.. Its so sad Pal. I wish life could have been easy for everyone..

Spontaneous Mini said...

Oh Mishy... a song pops in my head, gotta share with you.
Bas Yaadein, yaadein reh jaati hai,
Kuch Khatti, Kuch Meethi,
Baatein reh jaati hai.

Piper .. said...

Mini: :) yeah.. isnt this a KK number??

Reflections said...

Piper...we have lovely blogging friends...I read eachone of them here, all of them so wonderfully rising to the occasion & comforting u the best they can. Curiously I too am drawing comfort from all these words:-)).

My prayers with U!!!!!

Piper .. said...

Reflections: Nancy, you`re so right! And that`s the reason I come back and bare my soul out here,even though some 'well meaning' family detest this public sharing of my life! The reason I am able to live through each day is because of the support of my blog friends,rather than imdtly family - who,shocking as it is to the three of us(Ma, sister and me), have neither bothered to call nor email. And I`m talking of imdt family - not cousins. Gah! I am deeply indebted to all of you for the support and love I get here. I really am..

J P Joshi said...

"Sometimes it hurts so bad that I feel this pain will never end.
But I guess it does..
I hope it does someday.."

This is a part of being human, I guess, but I know that time is a big healer - it switches channels in the mind when the pain becomes unbearable; pain eases to let joy walk in, and so on, the circle goes on. My spiritual readings tell me that both pleasure and pain help the soul to evolve; most of it happens during pain, I believe. Have faith, it helps.

Piper .. said...

JP Joshi Sir: Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope things shall be bearable in due course..

ani_aset said...

woops..Daddy does care a lot..Prayers for you and family..nice post

Piper .. said...

Anirudh: :) welcome to my space! And thanks for your wishes.

Ashwadhy said...

They say it gets better with time. Its been 2 years and am still waiting, its mom that I worry about....
"When I heard Ma sobbing quietly on the phone, I wondered if she was waiting for Dad to return back, to reassure her that all was well. That it was only paper. "
It hit me real hard. Every thing that goes wrong and when I hear my mom talk, I know its with tears. Hold on and hang in there, with prays for courage to our moms.

Piper .. said...

Ashwadhy: :) First things first. I love your name :) welcome to my blog! And thank you for the wishes. I know you`re right. All in good time, my friend.. I hope things shall get back on track soon..

Ashwadhy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashwadhy said...

So true.. In time...

Thank you Piper. Ashwadhy is my starsign (the malayalam name for the star Ashwini). There was an old song dad would sing for me and that was his special name for me. Aaawww! I miss him so much.