A question to all my blog buddies. You can answer anonymously, in case you`re uncomfortable. But do answer.
Has marriage killed the girl in you?
Are you more programed, more regulated in your thoughts and deeds?
Or are you simply calmer? Assuaged?
Are you still in love?
Or are you simply loving? Caring, fond and loyal..?
What does marriage do to you?
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11 comments:
Can iiiiii write a post on thisss???
Ah, do I detect a crisis?
Yes, marriage has made me grow up...I am loving and caring but I don't know if I'm in love...I guess I am but since I had an arranged marriage, I don't know if I was ever 'in love'...
Amrita: oh sure! Go ahead. Looking forward to reading you :)
Sraboney: :) I know exactly what you mean of course. But the 'fond but not in love' part bothers me. Crisis? I dont think so. But these qstns have been bothering me for a while now, Bones. Just thought may be you guys could show me a new perspective
I am reading so many wonderfully frank posts in my favourite blogs these days, that I am loving it. Really! :D
To answer your queries, am I in love, or just fond and caring? I think its both. After a while of being with a person, you cannot keep feeling a rush each time you see him, probably would give me a heart attack all that rush. And the rush is not what love is all about. Ask yourself a few simple questions, if your partner is in pain, would it seriously bother you, or would you just take care of him because you have to. If someone is hurtful to him, will you seethe with rage, probably more than what he himself feels? Would you not want to be with him if he was poorer/shorter/older? I think your answers will tell you, whether you love him or are just fond of him. And even if you fight with him, and rant against him at times, maybe even a lot, that does not take away from the love.
The marriage has definitely not killed the girl in me, I still do my silly stuff, whine, nag etc. But yes motherhood has made me grow up, I have had to realise, I can no longer be the 'child' at home. I am calmer in the sense, I have someone to share everything with, I have someone I can fall back on anytime, anywhere. And trust me that is a difficult thing to find in today's days and times.So that is something that makes me feel stronger from within. I was never too unregulated, so I don't know if marriage has changed that about me, but I know that sometimes i don't do things that I might have otherwise done, because it might bother the GP, and he does the same for me. And also with time, we have taken on a bit of each other's qualities I feel, and I love that! :P
Marriage to me, is a wonderful fun place, and I mean it. I think the happiest phase in my life started post marriage. Free, happy, on my own, with someone I can trust my life with. If there is one thing that I would not want coming with it, it would be the ILs, rest, I like it!
PS - I have crazy, mad, horrible fights with the hubby, and I wonder why I married him at those times too!
oh this is directed at women..anyway i will opine from my prespective...
All men think that they are perfect creatures till they get married..all the flaws come out ( rather brought out by the better ( bitter?) half after marriage...
that way, i could transform myself little bit better..
LOVE? hmm as the previous commentator stated...mine too arranged marriage....i am not sure, one would have the same passion as one can have in love marriage...
my wife argues like many others, that even in love marriage they drift...i reply, atleast for some time they had lived with that passion..be a day or year.....which can be missing in a arranged marriage...hmm
Piper, I think when you are dating, you can be 'in love' as you see only one side of your partner i.e. the romantic side which is devoted only to you...Once you get married, all the responsibilities of domestic life fall on your shoulders and then the other side of you and your partner are revealed...The spark goes as now you have to take care of other things as well...
I don't think marriage kills love, its just that over time romance fades because with marriage both partners have achieved what they set out to achieve...Also, everything becomes routine...A couple has to work at their relationship to keep the romance alive...
Hey Piper, I don't know if I'm making sense here but this is what I think...I also think that sometimes we have unrealistic expectations when we are dating which don't always come true with marriage and this can be a major romance killer...
I think it is only a state of mind. I dont think that marriage ever kills a girl in her.
I don't think marriage has killed the girl in me; but growing up has.
I'm not programmed or regulated, but I'm a better manager of my thoughts and deeds.
I'm calmer in as much as it requires to ignore things beyond my control.
Yes, I'm so in love.
I think caring and being loyal is part of being in love for me.
Marriage to the man I love, liberates me. Marriage to his family binds me.
Thought provoking questions Piper. I have mixed feelings sometimes. No, marriage did not kill the girl in me. It did create a new me, with extensions to my family. I found a real partner for life and really cherish time spent with him. We like to try new things and travel and do things together.
I feel that I was more regulated when I was still in the care of my parents than with my husband.
I am by no means any calmer than premarriage days!
Yes, I am very much in love.
I do have my days when I feel overwhelmed by responsibilities, usually short vents and time offs for myself help me come back to perspective, I start to realize and value my life.
If the girl in me was immature, possessive, and generally silly, then marriage hasn't killed her yet!
That said, yes to all the rest of your questions, except the last one, which requires a long and boring answer in post. The short one is that it's caused the old me to move over a bit, for the newer,somewhat grown up girl me.
Intresting thoughts....
1. Actually No- marriage has made the girl me come more alive! I have someone to cherish the stupidities, the dreams and oh yes, sometimes the chat about purses~ I do say Sometimes
2. More programmed yes: but thats more due to parenting and not marriage.
3. Calmer: Yes and No. I do feel more calmer in the bigger scheme of things and less calmer in issues like: Socks on a clean floor!
4. Very much so: Yes!
5. SD and I are both equally all of the things mentioned..
Having said all that: yes, no marriage is perfect. We like most, have our ups and downs.our fights and arguments. We are working on making it better and ore fun for the other. One thing which we try to live by is: Not sleep over a fight> The next day is a brand new day, and the fight yesterday has nothing to do with tomorows!
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