Note: Thank you to everyone who sent in emails and comments. It means a lot to me. However, I have decided not to hold any discussions on this post. I hope you understand.
Not sure anyone visits me anymore. I haven't given anybody a reason to, I suppose. But today I feel this overwhelming urge to write only for myself. Nothing makes much sense to me anymore. Life as I know it, is so unpredictable. We are nothing but marionettes in the hands of The Almighty or Whoever is up there. May be there isn't anybody. Maybe it`s just our destiny. And that`s why all prayers go unheeded almost always.
I prayed every single day for IHM`s daughter. I don't know why, but I did. May be it was the vision of a mother sitting by a loved one near a hospital bed and praying for mercy. May be it was this vision that reminded me of my own mother and what she is going through. Whatever the reason, I prayed for her religiously, without fail. And today as I read IHM`s post, I am stunned beyond words. I sit here crying, helpless and scared - as I realize that prayers don't have the power to protect. Mine never do.
Death to me is baffling. The uncertainty of it all is scary. But what is even scarier is the absolute certainty. I still go around touching familiar photographs and memorabilia from the past, listening to familiar songs. Sometimes I fiddle around with a discarded fishing rod and sometimes with a decaying spool tape. And I smile at the memory of a 10 year old, skipping alongside her Dad on a warm summer afternoon, excited about her very first fishing trip. Have I mentioned that part of my Dad before? And I think of telling my Dad about the new pond I discovered in the woods just around our house. And the song I just picked up on the guitar. And that is when it punches me so hard in the gut that I crumble up on the floor. Unable to breathe. Unable to move in. Or move on. Yes, Death can be very baffling. One would think it is easy to think of happy memories about the person who means the most in the world and smile. But what does one really know..
17 comments:
Mish, I'm still following your blog, and infact I wanted to mention you on my latest post, but wasn't sure if you would even read it :-) Life and Death... both so certain, both so equally uncertain at the same time. IHM's daughter's news has shaken all of us, in different ways! My grandma passed away two weeks ago, and despite not having been close to her, I still felt the pain! And every time I stop by IHM's blog and see Tj's picture, I feel almost nauseus with the unfairness of it all!!! I can see your pain too, Mish, when you write about your Dad. Death is awful, for the ones who are left behind. As I grow older, I am getting more and more conscious of the fact that Death could get any of us any time....
'....prayers don't have the power to protect......'
We grow up BELIEVING in prayer, and the power of faith. But situations like these shatter that belief. And then we begin to think... what are the rules??? How fair is this... until we realise we can never find out the answer. And to put it simply, 'GOK' or 'God Only Knows'!!!
Hugs.
Yes indeed very sad ..
I think its desitny and god wants good people around him/her to keep an eye on the EVIL world.. thats why he takes away good people faster then us the Bad ones left to bear the pain..
I am sure he listens to your prayers all the time, but maybe someone else is more needy so he rushes there to releive them ..
God bless
::hugs::
Hey Mish,
Ive been MIA - moved countries -- am in the US too! Would love to meet u at some point in the next 2 years that Im here! hope your doing good too - thought id drop by ans say hi!
Im in Austin, Texas, doing my MBA. lets catch up!
Serendipity
Hi Girl... Is everything Okay? I havent seen anything from you?
Hugs.
Garima
I hope you'll start posting more. I'm your new follower. Please check out and follow me as well.
It was very sad news about IHMs daughter.
its human life and its truth about human life.
hi how are you doing?
Hopped on here from Pallavi's blog. This post brought back tears and memories of my dad too. It's been almost four years now.
On a different note, I saw a comment on one of Pallavi's post and wanted to write to you about it. Is it OK if I emailed you?
Dear All: I`m very pleasantly surprised to see you all still visiting!! Thank you so much for all the support. I have been having a crazy time at the University - no time to even breathe. And hence the delayed response. Sincere apologies! Hope you all are doing great!
Laksh: Welcome to my blog and thanks for leaving a comment! Unfortunately, I dont post any more but I would love to receive emails from you anytime. So please feel free! :):)
Hw r u dng Mish? Been sooo long. Missing u :)
@Swaram: :):) Thanks so much for thinking about me! I`ve been insanely swamped with work and will be till school closes for the Holidays. I miss the blog world too...much more than you can imagine! :(:( But I`ll be back. Hope you are doing great. Hugs
hi how are you?
Piperr Daaar-ling whatcha upto nowadays;-D????
Write woman!!!!
-Nancy
I am learning how true this is, and how wrong,
//Death can be very baffling. One would think it is easy to think of happy memories about the person who means the most in the world and smile. But what does one really know..//
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