After much debating, I have decided to take down my last post "Drunk on Power".
The reasons are simple.
1. Confrontation scares me. Its unnerving at many levels.
2. This post was unwarranted.Totally and Completely. Personal grievances are one thing. Making a mockery of someone`s parents on a public forum is totally uncalled for, no matter what the circumstances.
3. I`m at a stage where every day is a struggle. I`m still battling to hold onto the last remaining vestige of sanity after Dad`s death. I see him standing by my bed, watching me shrivel up and cry. I want to reach out. I do. And yet, he moves just out of grasp. And at a time like this, I sit and think of the people who have been around. And those who havent.
And herein lies the root of all troubles.
Expectations.
Suppositions
Presumptions that 'Family' shall always be around. That they shall(atleast once) bother to ask about you and your Mom.And just how you`re doing.
Or defend you when no one does.
That is where the bitterness stems from. And manifests outwardly into an outburst like this.
"Drunk on Power" shall remain in my drafts.
I shall publish it once I know I am ready to stand up and fight.
Until then, my deep gratitude to people who have sent in comments. I shall reply to each one of those here in the next post. My sincere apologies to you all.
But for now,I need to take this post off. At a time when I`m grappling to come to terms with my own loss, I may have bitten off more than what I can chew. I dont need any added headaches right now. And hence, this decision.
P.S - Its been three months today since Dad passed away. Three whole months.
About Me
- Piper ..
- Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States
- I am but a White Butterfly, flitting around in the sepia rain,looking for my lost colors.
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17 comments:
Hi Piper :) I'm so sorry about the loss of your father...it sounds to me like he is watching over you in your dreams. How nice :)
I think you were respectful in your post...don't feel so bad. Thank goodness for the delete button when we wish to have it...LOL
Family interactions are always challenging...we take the good with the bad in our families. I think both make us stronger better people. The bottom line, I think, is that our family loves us and we love them no matter what. I think that is very comforting to know :)
I wish you much healing of your heart...it takes time, but it will come.
Many Blessings to you, Piper :)
Have a Beautiful Weekend!
oh honey...don't apologize.....at least not to me. it's how you felt at a certain point. it's venting, it's ranting and it exist whether you say it or not. anyways..I guess it's your call and like you said you have other headache and heartache to deal with right now. cheer up.
one thing that has really helped me overcome a few sad things and lost in my life is writing about cheerful stuff. maybe you could try it, to help you. Love and Hugssssss
No need for apologies...this is your space and you can do whatever you want...
Sweet memories of your father are going to stay with you forever. Enjoy those moments. You have so many avenues to let your feelings out and get diverted. But it may not be the same with your mother...she should be feeling more lonely.so i think your mother would need more support from you in the short term...
What is this about, Mish? I am totally phased out. Can't remember.
Anyways don't fret about it. {{{{Hugsie}}}
Take care, dear.
i see so much despair around me, inside me, the people close to my heart, that the whole world seems unhappy.
two things which make the most sense amidst all this.
'This too shall pass'
and a 'prayer' if you could call it that
"The serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."
- a chance visitor
I want able to read your last post Piper..
so all I want to say is just do whats comfortable for you
Your dad's looking out for you
(((((((hugs)))))))
ChicGeek: Thank you so much for the wonderful words of support. It comforted me,to say the least. Yes, sometimes we do hurt so bad. And all we can hope is for the sun to shine once again. All in good time, I suppose..
A: I know, I know. It was an outburst. I needed a vent. But I guess I`m just wary about picking up fights and esp right now. Hmm..I guess I should start writing more cheerful stuff. Its not easy,when the mind feels so dark..
Sunder: Yes, you`re so right my friend. I think that`s our major worry right now - to take care of Ma. To ensure that she gets heal..
Solilo and Indyeah:
Ohh you didnt read it. Just a post I published two days back and took it down the next day. Rants about inlaws and stuff :) It took guts, trust me. But I guess I wasnt 'woman' enough :) I was too scared to get into confrontations with people.
Meghna: welcome to my blog. Thanks much for your comforting words. Yes, this too shall pass. And I hope soon enough!
BTW, Meghna is a beautiful name.
hey Mish! i read ur last post on my google reader where it stays even if u take it down on ur blog...all i wanna say is don worry!! i know im quite inexperienced to give u any advice on the in-laws...but im sure ull get past it!
sending u *hugz* n kisses to get past this obstacle as well...and trust me...ur dad will always be around to give you that strength that you may not even know u have in u!
hugs to u dear. 3 months without him, and the pain doesnt seem to lessen. all i can say is that my prayers are with you and your family.
i did read that last post and today when i came back to write a comment i saw this other post. please dont apologies. u dont have to. this is your space and venting out helps. take care..
No need for apologies at all!
Your blog, your life, your decisions. :)
Though that was the first time i had commented on your blog actually. Hehe.
Btw, I am really very sorry to read about your father.
Don't worry, Piper...It's your space and you can write whatever you want to...Things will work out, they always do...Take care...
((((HUGS))),Mish....you're a sweet kind-hearted person,you know that???
Like I tell you always,your Baba will be very proud of you wherever he is today :)
Sunshine: thanks for all the support. I guess I`ll be fine in due course. Just that right now there are too many things to handle.
Iya: thanks for your prayers,my friend. When I started this blog, I didnt realize I needed to maintain some amount of anonymity. Guess I was too naive. :) So even in this space, I have to really mark my words. Even walls have ears these days. :)
Miss M: :(:( I`m so sorry about the goof up. I hope this doesnt permanently prevent you from commenting :) It feels nice to have people around in this space.
Sraboney: I hope so,Bones. I really hope so. Thanks for being supportive.
Deeps: Oh thank you my friend. Hugs back. And I shall email you one of these days.
OMG, have I been away from your blog for so long?!! Mish, take care of yourself. I don't have a clue about your debated post or anything, but all I can say is: WRITE YOUR HEART OUT (but edit it :-)).
A hot cuppa or chocolate, or a nice Vodka might help a little!
And, I am really glad to see you writing so much, especially about your father. Writing is healing. Writing makes us all feel a little closer.
God bless your family.
wrierzblock: yeah, I know what would help! ;) Maybe friday night.. :):)
Piper: 3 months...does it feel like yesterday or an eternity? Don't know what to say except that another third-cousin-in-law lost her dad...and she has these good days and really bad days. You will come out strong friend. Just stay strong for your mom.
About your post ...I did not read it..but whatever I gather from this post of yours...I have heard so many women tell me similar tales...I hate confrontations myself ...so take your time and put it up again when and if you feel like it.
lotsa love.
I didnt read that post, so have no clue what you are talking about.
My father died young and very unexpectedly, but I always remembr him with a smile, he was a great man and brought happiness to so many, so he would like his child also to be happy.and for me he will be always here beside me in spirit.
Thats what I would tell you that your father has not gone anywhere, he is always beside you , watching you.
I think Blog is one place where we can write anything and for that matter, sometimes I feel that I shouldnt have told my blog ID to my family:)
Any way Mishy cheer up, a person as sensitive as you cant ever be wrong.
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