Words smash against each other.
Bowling pins crashing frame after frame.
The clamor of a perfect strike slicing through the soul.
Chronicles of the past carelessly strewn.
Irrelevant. Ill-timed. Inapt.
Creeping tendrils of Thoughts.
Some twirl around the tongue and snarl.
Others drift.
A coiling miasma.
Pervading. Nauseating. Gagging.
Tears plunge down to the lips, sit there and smirk.
Refusing to stay. Refusing to move.
Spikes of rage abate.
Molten lead dumped into ice.
Scared whimpers wrench the mind; twist it into a crushed pretzel,
And mindless crumbs fill the emptiness.
Then,Fear takes over.
Freezing the fringes into an iron chain swung hard.
Whiplashed again. And again.
Explosive paroxysms. Bitter ache. And a slow dying.
Bit by bit.
Piece by piece.
And yet I find no weight. Nor resistance.
Just familiar. Just self spun. And routine.
Amidst them I stand; A doleful spectator
On my knees and begging,
Collecting pieces of lucid illusions(now broken, decayed..)
that I once helped create.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
A bit of this..A bit of that!
It feels strange to be back to my fav coffee shop,writing again. Almost like returning back home after a really longggg vacation.I dont know what I`ll be writing about.I dont really have an agenda; So let this be a bullet post.
***I met the G`s collegue and his wife at someone`s bday party. And the wife pretended she`s never met me before! The truth is that we have been to their place for dinner TWICE! Either she`s a super bitch who was trying to convey what perfect 'non-entities' The G and I were. Or she entertains so much that its difficult for her to remember all her guests! Whatever the reason, it left a bitter undertaste. And I`m in no hurry to attend another 'office' party again!
NOTE: Thanks to Sols, I now know she`s pbly sick(yes,literally so!)
*** A cousin`s wife has gone crazy uploading their family pics on social networking sites. It would have been one happy collection, but for the fact that her pose in each picture makes me sick. Who dangles sunglares over the front buttons(unfastened) and sticks each thumb inside the trouser pockets(sometimes even latches them 'casually'!) and stands like the Queen of Sheeba, fingers splayed out over the ample thighs, just to make the stark white stripes on the sides of the trousers stand out in contrast?? Who does it?? And ohh dear me, WHY??!! It makes my blood boil. The G says,"Ignore. Dont see them if it makes you so mad,". How can I not, when each day there are 100 pictures literally smothering my webpage?
Disclaimer: Normally I would never discuss looks and attires. Never ever.But then again, I have my moments!
*** We had a neighbourhood potluck party which was awesome - more so because we finally met our original home owners - the ones who made the house that we now own,from scratch. He(lets call him P.O) is an ex-fighter pilot of the US AirForce who fought during the World War 2 and she is a homemaker now. They are such warm,wonderful people and they so reminded me of my grandpa.
Along with Subhash Chandra Bose`s Indian National Army(or the Azad HInd Fauj), my Grandpa fought for the freedom of our country from the Britishers,1943 onwards. Incidentally the INA(and my Grandpa) fought against the Allied forces - the side P.O was fighting for!!. I had a fabulous time hearing P.O`s tales. Imagine talking to someone like that! He is the history we read about!!
I never missed my grandpa so bad.
Incidentally I have several books and memoirs that grandpa wrote - a beautiful legacy that he`s left behind.
***I finally started driving lessons. Yes, finally after three years of dilly-dallying and utter disregard(read lassitude) for the unwavering requests by The G! And guess what suddenly brought about the change?
The fact that my sister has started driving(licence et al)!!
The G was aghast at the rivalry I still feel towards my kid sister(who is no longer a kid but has a kid of her own,whom she has to drive to play school and hence the licence!)!
"Whatever works," he said.
And so its been uneventful so far, but for minor ripples. Like the time I drove the car over someone`s lawn at 12 in the night and had their dog literally rip me apart, but for the fact that I was inside the car! Seriously!
That and the fact that I stopped at a busy intersection while taking a right turn because I forgot to accelerate(I had practiced turning in a parking lot with the brakes on and no acceleration!)!! Other than that and a near hysterical G, its been great!
NOTE to all NON-DRIVERS: NEVER TAKE DRIVING LESSONS FROM THE HUBBY. NEVER EVER.
***It is Mahalaya today; 5 months and 8 days now since Dad left us.
I remember Oh so fondly of how we would wake up to 'Birendra Krishna Bhadra`s Mahisasura Mardini'. Mom Dad would sit around the radio, chatting up over hot cups of tea, while my sister and I would lazily snuggle inside the blankets and let the music soak our souls. Later Dad would bring fresh,hot jalebis from the market and we would have it over breakfast.
Today is yet another Mahalaya. A year back, if anyone would have asked me to think of a Mahalaya without Dad, without jalebis, without the radio, I would have dismissed it off as a crazy thought. BUt here I am,struggling to find a sense of peace, while all that I loved and cared for,slowly seems to ebb away..
I wont say it has been easy. But I have been making conscious efforts. Efforts not to cry or despair. Not to always grieve over what I have now lost. BUt rejoice over what I have gained all my life. Its not easy. But I am trying.
So today morning, over 'Mahisasura Mardini'(A tape which Dad gifted me JUST LAST YEAR!!Did he know he would be gone?), I prepared a batter for the jalebis and left them on the counter top to ferment.
Things are not what they used to be. But then again, neither am I.
Life does goes on, you know. And so must I..
Ohh and did anyone notice that my Indirank has fallen from 79 to 71 to 63? Is it even important? And if it is, just how low do you think I`ll stoop? :):)
That`s all for now. More later.. Have a fabulous weekend,People!
***I met the G`s collegue and his wife at someone`s bday party. And the wife pretended she`s never met me before! The truth is that we have been to their place for dinner TWICE! Either she`s a super bitch who was trying to convey what perfect 'non-entities' The G and I were. Or she entertains so much that its difficult for her to remember all her guests! Whatever the reason, it left a bitter undertaste. And I`m in no hurry to attend another 'office' party again!
NOTE: Thanks to Sols, I now know she`s pbly sick(yes,literally so!)
*** A cousin`s wife has gone crazy uploading their family pics on social networking sites. It would have been one happy collection, but for the fact that her pose in each picture makes me sick. Who dangles sunglares over the front buttons(unfastened) and sticks each thumb inside the trouser pockets(sometimes even latches them 'casually'!) and stands like the Queen of Sheeba, fingers splayed out over the ample thighs, just to make the stark white stripes on the sides of the trousers stand out in contrast?? Who does it?? And ohh dear me, WHY??!! It makes my blood boil. The G says,"Ignore. Dont see them if it makes you so mad,". How can I not, when each day there are 100 pictures literally smothering my webpage?
Disclaimer: Normally I would never discuss looks and attires. Never ever.But then again, I have my moments!
*** We had a neighbourhood potluck party which was awesome - more so because we finally met our original home owners - the ones who made the house that we now own,from scratch. He(lets call him P.O) is an ex-fighter pilot of the US AirForce who fought during the World War 2 and she is a homemaker now. They are such warm,wonderful people and they so reminded me of my grandpa.
Along with Subhash Chandra Bose`s Indian National Army(or the Azad HInd Fauj), my Grandpa fought for the freedom of our country from the Britishers,1943 onwards. Incidentally the INA(and my Grandpa) fought against the Allied forces - the side P.O was fighting for!!. I had a fabulous time hearing P.O`s tales. Imagine talking to someone like that! He is the history we read about!!
I never missed my grandpa so bad.
Incidentally I have several books and memoirs that grandpa wrote - a beautiful legacy that he`s left behind.
***I finally started driving lessons. Yes, finally after three years of dilly-dallying and utter disregard(read lassitude) for the unwavering requests by The G! And guess what suddenly brought about the change?
The fact that my sister has started driving(licence et al)!!
The G was aghast at the rivalry I still feel towards my kid sister(who is no longer a kid but has a kid of her own,whom she has to drive to play school and hence the licence!)!
"Whatever works," he said.
And so its been uneventful so far, but for minor ripples. Like the time I drove the car over someone`s lawn at 12 in the night and had their dog literally rip me apart, but for the fact that I was inside the car! Seriously!
That and the fact that I stopped at a busy intersection while taking a right turn because I forgot to accelerate(I had practiced turning in a parking lot with the brakes on and no acceleration!)!! Other than that and a near hysterical G, its been great!
NOTE to all NON-DRIVERS: NEVER TAKE DRIVING LESSONS FROM THE HUBBY. NEVER EVER.
***It is Mahalaya today; 5 months and 8 days now since Dad left us.
I remember Oh so fondly of how we would wake up to 'Birendra Krishna Bhadra`s Mahisasura Mardini'. Mom Dad would sit around the radio, chatting up over hot cups of tea, while my sister and I would lazily snuggle inside the blankets and let the music soak our souls. Later Dad would bring fresh,hot jalebis from the market and we would have it over breakfast.
Today is yet another Mahalaya. A year back, if anyone would have asked me to think of a Mahalaya without Dad, without jalebis, without the radio, I would have dismissed it off as a crazy thought. BUt here I am,struggling to find a sense of peace, while all that I loved and cared for,slowly seems to ebb away..
I wont say it has been easy. But I have been making conscious efforts. Efforts not to cry or despair. Not to always grieve over what I have now lost. BUt rejoice over what I have gained all my life. Its not easy. But I am trying.
So today morning, over 'Mahisasura Mardini'(A tape which Dad gifted me JUST LAST YEAR!!Did he know he would be gone?), I prepared a batter for the jalebis and left them on the counter top to ferment.
Things are not what they used to be. But then again, neither am I.
Life does goes on, you know. And so must I..
Ohh and did anyone notice that my Indirank has fallen from 79 to 71 to 63? Is it even important? And if it is, just how low do you think I`ll stoop? :):)
That`s all for now. More later.. Have a fabulous weekend,People!
Friday, September 4, 2009
The Earth Laughs in Flowers
Ok People, as promised, here are the pictures of my plants.
Striped Purple Petunia
Petunia Rosie(red and white), Red, Violet Star, Plum burst and Pink brocade Petunia
Pink and Yellow Zinias - note the half-eaten(by rabbits!)pink one in the center - before I took over. And the fresh blooming yellow and pink ones on either side! - AFTER I took over :)
Red Geranium
Angelonia or 'Angel Mist'(Love the name!)
And tada! The best of the lot! Tiger`s Eye Gold Daisy
Mostly kept by the front porch right now(for fear of rabbits and gophers!)
And some, near the unfinished flower beds I`m preparing
So if I`m not seen around in the Blog World as often as I would like to, you now know the reason why! :):)
Disclaimer: I have to admit that the idea of starting a garden goes to my MIL and that she did water the plants for a little while. But they are all my babies. I have been tending to them with the utmost love and care I can. Arent they all lovely?
Striped Purple Petunia
Petunia Rosie(red and white), Red, Violet Star, Plum burst and Pink brocade Petunia
Pink and Yellow Zinias - note the half-eaten(by rabbits!)pink one in the center - before I took over. And the fresh blooming yellow and pink ones on either side! - AFTER I took over :)
Red Geranium
Angelonia or 'Angel Mist'(Love the name!)
And tada! The best of the lot! Tiger`s Eye Gold Daisy
Mostly kept by the front porch right now(for fear of rabbits and gophers!)
And some, near the unfinished flower beds I`m preparing
So if I`m not seen around in the Blog World as often as I would like to, you now know the reason why! :):)
Disclaimer: I have to admit that the idea of starting a garden goes to my MIL and that she did water the plants for a little while. But they are all my babies. I have been tending to them with the utmost love and care I can. Arent they all lovely?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Doing Nothing and them some more..
Ok People, I know I haven`t quite kept up with the Blog World. BUt I shall get back and soon. Right now,I am busy doing nothing. And then some more. I have simply been taking it easy. Relaxing after a long time. Just letting myself be.
I have this newfound interest in gardening these days! Have been trying to grow some flowers :) What`s amazing is that plants respond if you talk to them. They really do. So I`ve been roaming around, talking to my plants, watering them, letting them soak up the warm sunshine and telling them stories of happier times. It makes them smile. It makes me smile too.I promise to put up pictures of my flower garden in the next post.
And then, The G and I had a midweek movie and a dinner date yesterday. Watched 'Inglorious Bastards'. Frankly speaking, Quentin Tarantino really isnt my type of guy. But I loved the movie all the same. Just as I have liked most of his other movies. Brad Pitt was awesome in this one. As always.
But movies arent what I want to talk about today.
Let me share something with you.
I am not a baker. Never have been. But I have always longed to be. I remember how excited my kid sister and I would be when Ma would bake a cake at home. The good old oven would be out, cleaned up and ready. And we would vigorously beat the batter for Ma and wait patiently(well almost!) for Ma to finish, so we could lick the bowl! Those were such happy times.
So finally today I decided I had to bake. And what better way to start than with a German Black Forest Cake. It wasn`t as difficult as I had imagined(God bless the man who invented a blender!). But the final dressing took a painfully long time. Gah. Patience is what I so need to cultivate!
Hopefully it will taste as great as it looks.
See for yourself.
What d`ya think guys? :):)
I have this newfound interest in gardening these days! Have been trying to grow some flowers :) What`s amazing is that plants respond if you talk to them. They really do. So I`ve been roaming around, talking to my plants, watering them, letting them soak up the warm sunshine and telling them stories of happier times. It makes them smile. It makes me smile too.I promise to put up pictures of my flower garden in the next post.
And then, The G and I had a midweek movie and a dinner date yesterday. Watched 'Inglorious Bastards'. Frankly speaking, Quentin Tarantino really isnt my type of guy. But I loved the movie all the same. Just as I have liked most of his other movies. Brad Pitt was awesome in this one. As always.
But movies arent what I want to talk about today.
Let me share something with you.
I am not a baker. Never have been. But I have always longed to be. I remember how excited my kid sister and I would be when Ma would bake a cake at home. The good old oven would be out, cleaned up and ready. And we would vigorously beat the batter for Ma and wait patiently(well almost!) for Ma to finish, so we could lick the bowl! Those were such happy times.
So finally today I decided I had to bake. And what better way to start than with a German Black Forest Cake. It wasn`t as difficult as I had imagined(God bless the man who invented a blender!). But the final dressing took a painfully long time. Gah. Patience is what I so need to cultivate!
Hopefully it will taste as great as it looks.
See for yourself.
What d`ya think guys? :):)
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