The pain slashed her soul apart.She leaned back against the wall,clinging onto the telephone and listening on. Helpless. Tormented. Numb.
"Shuncho? Kichu bolo na..Ki koshto hochche bolo? Kichu bolo na..."
(Can you hear me? Talk to me. Are you in pain? Talk to me please..)
Ma`s whimpers to Dad plunged down the telephone wires and across the oceans straight into her heart,ripping it apart into a million pieces. She stood there in a cold stupor, letting the pieces strew all over her.
She involuntarily lifted an arm to reach out.To shield Ma. To shield herself.
Unshed tears threatened to ravage unspoken words. And she shivered under their weight.
And then Ma was back on the phone.
"He`s not responding," Ma cried.
"You have to move him to a hospital IMMEDIATELY. Is someone there with you Ma?" she asked.
"Yes." (The neighbors were).
"Ok,now listen to me" She said calmly. As calmly as was needed to not throw Ma in any more panic than she was already in.
"Get all the medical documents and move to the nearest hospital.I`ll call in a while. Stay calm. We`ll figure out something Ma."
She let the telephone drop. And then she cried.
For the helplessness that was devouring her up.
For the insurmountable anguish.
For the pain that tore her soul apart.
For the vastness of the oceans separating them.
For fear of the finality of death.
For her Father.
And most of all, For her Mother.
Nope, this isnt a scene from a new movie. Nor is it a short story I am writing.
This is exactly what happened a couple of days back.
But life has given us a breather.
Dad is back home. He had an episode of severe hypoglycemia(very low blood sugar) which resulted in the unresponsive state. But he is back home and recovering.
There`s no kidding. No evasion of truth here. We know that heavy times lie ahead. Possibly just around the corner.
How do we cope with grief, I wonder..
How does anyone cope with grief?
Which brings me to the main point in this post.
Sometimes I wonder if my life would have been any less stressful had I been living closer to home. Would there be some peace of mind, knowing that I could be there by their side, when my parents most need me to be?
This particular incident left me terribly frightened for my mother.
Imagine this.
She gets up in the middle of the night to see my father in an unresponsive state. Her mind goes blank in panic. She leaves him alone, runs to call the neighbors. Then she dials my number.
Now, I consider myself plenty lucky that my parents do have lots of close friends and family around, who will help in crisis situations. They all did. But I somehow have not been able to get over the thought that I would`ve been a little less worried if I knew there was a constant support system around her. Like maybe an old-age home or something.
I do not understand why sending parents to old-age institutions has such negative connotations in India. What other options do I have?
A close friend of mine who lives in the US along with all the other siblings, literally forced their parents to uproot their lives in India and make the big move - leaving their home,family and friends behind and move back to the US to live with the kids. A seemingly perfect solution to the problem. But I now know for sure what a mistake that was! Its herculean, if not downright impossible for ageing parents to adjust to life here. I am still grappling to.
The G and I oftentimes worry about our aging parents. But I guess we have not seriously explored the possibilities of moving closer to home. At least back to the same country if not the same place. Are we being selfish? Is this the price we pay for choosing the path best suited for our careers?
Is it not pay-back time, though I dont like to use the word at all..?
Remember how they held our hands and taught us to walk? Pulled us up when we stumbled and fell? Remember how they taught us to ride a bicycle, running alongside the bike, holding it up by the seat with one hand on the handlebars, to show how you balance and turn around? And then when we took off on our own, remember how they still stood by,just in case we fell?
Now at the fag end of their lives, is it not our turn to take care of them and make sure they dont fall?
For all those of you who stay far way from home, what is your way of coping with this dilemma? Do you at times feel selfish to be where you are and not by the side of your parents? Can you think of any solutions to a situation like this?
I wish I could.. Oh how I wish I could.
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49 comments:
Piper, you don't ask many questions, but when you do, you sure ask tough ones.
If you consider the problem in purely a moral sense, I think children should personally ensure that their parents are cared for in their old age.
If you consider the problem in a practical sense, each person has to make his/her own decision based on financial considerations, other family obligations (their own children, for example) and career options, as well as other factors.
I know someone who spends about two hours every morning and two hours every evening, seven days a week, helping her elderly parents so that they are able to stay in their own home. Is that more or less stressful than living half a world away?
In my mind, there is no single solution.
OMG! Mishy! I can't imagine how scary it must have been for you! Thank god, kaku is all right. I was going to mail you today asking you about why you haven't posted and also because I saw your reply in the previous post.
This is one of my nightmares - I feel so guilty being so far away from my mother - too far away to help should the need arise. Reading your post somehow made my fears even more real.
ohmigod Piper!! im soo sorry! i hope your father is feeling better now! somehow its things like this which make u suddenly wake up to the fact that life is soo short!
uve asked something the Boy questions all the time - as an only son and in a career that would take him days before he can get home in case something bad happens, he constantly worries about his parents..! i guess there is no one solution for this...like Fram says it is a very individualistic decision based on career options, finances, family, etc...
hope your doing okay now...sending u a huuge virtual hug!! *hugz*
i need to call you.
I do not understand why sending parents to old-age institutions has such negative connotations in India---I have written the same line so many times.
I know how scary it can be for a child and disturbing also. and there are no easy solutions.
Practically i dont think it is wise for the children to choose the jopb and place for the sake of their parents..this will be stifling their ambitions, life , career everything and they cant be happy and unhappy people cant ever make anyone else happy, BUT parents also must be taken care of, so whatv are the options we have.....
either parents must shift with the children....may not be to their liking, but this much they have to compromise..its better than asking children to curb their ambitions.
or Parents must settle somewhere near their siblings,
or they can settle in senior citizen townships..now we have few, i heard from somebody here that there is one very good in Coimbatore and many old siblings buy there together and live. and there is one in matheran by dignity.
But all the solutions are individualistic and can be taken considering financial options also.
Wishing your father a fast re`covery !
Piper, I'm glad that your father is better now - it must have been really scary...
There are many good old age places coming up and my mom is keen on buying something in one of them although my dad refuses to even listen...I really don't know what the solution is...I hope you find one...
hey. Im glad he's better, and cant even begin to imagine how scary it mustve been.
its a thought that plagues me too, when i consider ever marryign and moving abroad. Im not even sure what to say... maybe ill come back again with more coherent thoughts.
for right now, lotsa love, and my support.
Thank God your father is fine now. I know the feeling.
Have mailed you...
I might sound very harsh, but I don't think you can have the best of both the worlds. If your parents mean so much to you, why haven't you thought of moving closer to home? I couldn't live the way so many of you do - torn apart by worry and distance.
I'm sorry if I come across as rude. But I don't understand why you should put yourself in this dilemma.
That was so scary to read Piper
So gakd to read thta your Dad is fine now(((hugs)))
God bless them both
I don't know whats the best thing to do here..should one stay close?or go wherever finacial obligations take us?
I am still with mom and dad..I have no clue..
But I find the idea of an old age home fine..It is so weird that it has become a taboo' a dirty word in India...when its not...
also
sometimes complete housing enclaves are opened for the elderly...all of them have their own flats in it..and dont have to worry about maintaining the house or the food or anything..the builder takes care of looking after all the facilities..
we have one right next to our house iN Delhi called 'Godhuli' exactly .ike the one Renu has spoken about
I really wish people would stop thinking its a taboo word ..even parents think its demeaning...but its not in my view..its a safe place where one knows one's parents can be taken care off..
But I am not qualified to gve an advice at this point...this scenario does make me scared for ma and dad later...
(((hugs)))Piper...and loveMay god bless you and yours..
Piper,
That was so touching. Touching, because I am in a similar situation myself. When I sometimes realise how far away I am from home, I feel so guilty. I feel like running back!!
There's nothing like us looking after our parents. For all that they have done for us. Expecting nothing but a little affection in return. And we -we are just self-centred creatures.
But life goes a full circle. A few years down the line, we will be in that situation, pining away for our children to glance at us, to make that weekly phone call, to know that they are happy.
Hope you dad recovers soon, and all of you are well and happy always.
Take care...
Fram: I know exactly what you`re talking about. I still havent been able to figure out whether life would be any less stressful, if I were not living half a world away from home. I`m inclined to believe in the negative, especially as I`m talking about a terminally ill parent.
Mystic Margarita: I know..I shouldnt have given such a graphic description. I have been feeling terrible about it.But these are fears we have to confront at some point. I often think about your Ma. I wonder if there`s any help she has at hand. That might be a great idea. Also give her my in-laws number as well. If she needs help, she can always call them.
Sunshine: Hugs back. Yup, he`s doing better, though he`s physically very weak.And I know what you`re saying. It is an individual decision. BUt not one where we can be at peace either way!
Roop: Thanks so much Roopsie. I think I need to be on my own for a while,before I`m ready to talk. Shall call you up one of these days.
Renu: I agree with you. There is no true solution that will keep everybody happy. We tried bringing them here. I was with them all this while until 2007. But my hsband is here in the US. Tell me, what do I do.. We have been thinking of some possible solutions. Lets see..
Bones: It was very scary. In fact I was still in shock when I wrote this post. Now I feel awful about the graphic description. Of course, I needed to share, to get it out.
I know of people who have moved to the old-age places in Kolkata and they are very good logistics wise. We`re still trying to figure something out.
Serendipity: Thanks my friend. I guess this is all I needed. Some words of comfort, that`s all. I guess I shall be fine.
Mamma Mia!Me a mamma? :Thank you so much, my friend. Your email means a lot to me. I shall respond at length. Right now I desperately need to sort out my own thoughts.
D: "If your parents mean so much to you, why haven't you thought of moving closer to home?"
Do you really think that the fact that we stay away from home is because our parents dont mean anything to us? I know its a battle each individual has to fight - trying to justify the choices one has made. Its not easy D. Its not all black and white. I was there at home, even after marriage, until dec 2007. But there were several reasons I had to move. Also, like Fram said, I really dont know what is less stressful - living each day in fear,with a terminally ill parent or staying half a world away. I shall come back when I`m more coherent. Right now, this is all that`s coming to my mind.
Indyeah: Hugs back. Thanks you so much for your wishes. And yes, we`re looking at options now, though like you said, parents arent really willing - moreso because of the negative connotation. BUt its a whole lot safer I believe.
writerzblock: exactly! Life comes a full circle. We grow up and move away. We live our own lives.We do as nature expects us to do all along. Why then should we feel guilty about it?? :(:( too many qstns. But this is one battle each of us have to fight on our own, I guess...
Please don't misunderstand me. I don't mean that you're staying away from home because you don't care for your parents. But if I were you and so worried about my parents, I would consider moving closer to my parents.
I don't mean to be judgmental, but like I said, being the kind of person that I am, I cannot imagine living so far away from my family.
Also, I would like to add, in a situation like yours, an old age home is a very good idea for your parents. And I really don't understand why it should be looked at condescendingly. Community living is very helpful and can be a solution to a lot of things.
Hey piper, i m relieved to know your father doing fine now.I really felt sad for you as you had to face such horrific situation.
Ill parents, when we are away is really scary situation.What options one has on "phone".
Leaving parents for carrier/marriage is really unsolvable problem.We can only try various options. Moving them to "other country" is certainly very difficult option ( leaving all their friends and cultural differences).
But it's so sad thing we all have to face this situation , when all solutions seem wrong.
we can only settle for "least-objectional-option".
Oh Piper. I know exactly how you feel and what you went through. I hate this distance this too and I always dread the anxious voice I might hear on the telephone.
I'm glad to know that your dad is better. Don't be too hard on yourself. there are some things we have no control of and best be left to providence. easier said than done but such is life.
Piper,
I feel for you and pray that as you spend some time with your thoughts, you are able to get some clarity and peace of mind. I can empathize with your dilemma as my mother goes through the same range of 'e'motions with her own parents. Having her sibling close by helps, but, I suppose, the guilt never goes away. And as many others have said here, it's not as easy for parents, at this stage of the game, to make such a drastic change of address. I will put your dad's name on a prayer card and hope that he will beat the odds. Miracles can take place in all shapes n sizes! Hang in there and continue to be that pillar for your mom.
D: Thanks a lot for the suggestions. We are in fact looking into these very options. Lets see how things work out..
Neeraj : thank you for your wishes and words of support. And you`re right. Lets see if we can figure out a solution which will make everybody happy..And oh..welcome to my blog! :)
Salina: Welcome to my space and thank you so much for your prayers. I need them. And yes, my mom has her siblings and their families around too. That`s a huge support for her. In fact they also have a huge friends circle around, to help during such hours of crisis. That actually is a source of constant comfort for us too.
No piper, I dont think you need to feel guilty or anything. I always say Do ur best and leave the rest to god.
You are a caring child and thats the biggest satisfaction to ur parents.
I dont think that living together is the only solution or the beginning of a happy story, as i wrote in one of my earlier posts also, living together sometimes brings altogwether a different set of problems.
So take care, and be happy that ur dad is better.
Hugs..renu
Mishy, I don't know what to say. As I was reading I knew it was you as you mentioned on my blog about some personal problems.
Half way through I had tears flowing down my cheeks imagining your state of mind and many of us are in the same boat too.
Sometime I feel sad that parents have their siblings for help and not their children but they are happy that we are doing well here and that's what they want for us. Still there is this feeling of not being there for them.
Glad to know that your dad is doing better. Lots of hugs to you. Remember there is always a friend you can talk to just an e-mail away.
OMG. Glad he's better.
Been through this once with my grandmother... and considering a long-term move in 2 years leaving two senior citizens behind me. Dammit dammit dammit.
Do we have skilled nursing homes in Kolkata like you do in the US? That would probably be the best option right now, although quite expensive. The usual old age homes refuse to take responsibility for sick patients, or so I hear.
I wish your father recovers quickly..
We all face this dilemma, but for Indian Expats living in USA, UK etc the problem is more ...We living at gulf very well know that one day we have to return to India.
But for people like you who may never plan to return to India permanently, these thoughts will def bother you.
I think first you should not feel guilty. one cant get everything in life. so we need to make compromises.
as far as old age homes are concerned, In India i dont think they are run professionally. In India this is mainly for people who have been abandoned. so the stigma....i would not recommend that..
i feel they should continue to live in the same house. May be you can appoint one caretaker or helper to help them in their daily chores...
Very relieved to know ur father is out of danger now.
I guess all of us who live far away from our parents learn to dread 'that' call; when we are so far away, so helpless tht we have to depend on our neighbours or friends to do things for them which we feel we are supposed to be.
But sometimes staying closeby also doesnt really help....what has to happen will happen.
Going into the why's & wherefores dont really help except further confuse ur already depressed mind. Sounds very harsh but like A said somethings are out of our control....such is Life.
Just call me A: Heyy..I`m so sorry I missed replying to your comment. Dont know how.. :(
Anyway, you`re right my friend. There are some things we dont have a control over. I`m trying to do what I think is best. Lets hope it works out.
Renu: Hugs back. Thank you for your support. That is all I need I guess..
Solilo: Thanks so much for your words of support. I know what you mean. The guilt inside - the fact that you`re not there but someone else is.. Hopefully things are under control right now. I`m awfully sorry for making you sad. Like I said in the previous replies to Bones and Mystic, I feel terrible about writing in such details. At that point, I guess I was simply looking for some support, some love..that`s all.
Suki: I dont know about skilled nursing homes but I do know of great housing societies for the elderly. But mom dad wouldnt hear of it. :( I guess its fine because they do have a lot of friends and family around to help. They are more comfortable being where they are. I have been meaning to email you,kiddo. Shall do one of these days.
Sunder: Thank you for your wishes. Yes, you`re right. We are not really planning on moving them anywhere. But we`re getting some domestic help at home. Also, like I mentioned above, my parents have all their friends and family around. They wouldnt be comfortable moving anywhere.
Reflections : Oh Nancy, you`re so right. Such is life. In fact, I have mentioned it in my reply to D - I dont know if things wouldve been any more easy, if I was staying at home. Probably a little more peace of mind for both my parents and myself. But what could I do better than what was done by friends and family this time around? Its a tough call to make. Hopefully things shall get better.
Just came here to give you some more {{Hugs}}
I had this post in my mind whole of last night.
Oh,Mishy,first of all let me send in my hugs to you!When you mentioned in my blog that you had been in a turmoil,nowhere in the wildest of my thoughts did I feel that it would be so grave.
So very glad your father is fine and recovering.
I can relate to your predicament very well.We seem to get so caught up in making our lives better that we somehow ignore,howsoever unwillingly,the fact that this is the time when our parents need us the most.
There is not a single day when I dont sense a fear lurking in thinking of the moment when my parents or R's father would be calling out to us in despair and we would be in a position to do nothing but feel helpless and worthless.
Yet,on a positive note,your parents are fortunate that they have good neighbours and friends who they can rely on.And as Solilo said our parents are happy to know that we are doing well for ourselves and that makes them going.
So be happy 'cos thats what your ma and Baba want,right?
God bless:)
Solilo: that`s just so sweet of you :):) I`m so touched..Hugs back.
Deeps: I know..its a very big relief to have quite a few people around them.In fact, my masi has been staying with them ever since this happened. Just so mom can settle down a bit. That does make me feel a lot better, knowing they are definitely not alone. Hugs to you too. Are you having fun?? Hows the lil one?
Piper,
Read your post today. Its scary weird that I wrote a similar post. Anyways I pray for your dad and your family.
But coming to the tough questions...this is one area which has no greys in my mind...we, the children alone can care for our parents. You cannot pay someone to raise your child or care for your parents. You can and certainly must have help.
The challenge lies within oursleves. We are a generation which has to do a lot of re learning...career choices , not practical/viable are politically right sounding excuses...but they are just that Excuses. Please do not look at examples all around you for inspiration, because the majority is misguided and blinded.
The question is at the end of the day, is our sense of purpose limited to a career/hoarding money,material goods, which we retire from and leave behind anyways or a conscience which is not burdened by parents dying alone and amongst strangers.
The choice is actually not at all that complicated as we are making it out to be.
There's something for you on my blog.
Piper... After so many comments I dont know if one more makes any difference.
I'll pray for you to have the strength to go through all this and for your dad to get well soon. Dont worry... whatever happens is always Gods will!!! There is always a reason things are the way they are.. and I am a strong beleiver of that. Even if you cant see the reason today... you will see it someday!! Its best left the way it is... We dont have to find solutions for everything in life... really!!!
My parents live with me, but even then I constantly worry... that someday I'll be in a meeting without my mobile.. or even stuck in traffic and wont be able to make it to them in time... So really.. there is never a solution!!
Its true that all choices in our life are made by us... its what we want really... if we really want something.. and we beleive in it.. we always tend to find a way!!!
My husband beleives that we will compromise on lifestyle.. and everything else... to live with our parents!!
Just a suggestion.. a friend of mine whose parents live in India have a full time nurse living with them. Her dad is very ill and mom could not really cope with everything.. specially helping her dad walk around. Hence she hired a nurse who stays with them the full time.
May be this will work for you.. I'm not sure!!
All said and done.. we will all continue to pray.. and hope dad gets well soon. You take care of yourself now.. coz I think you need to be the strength for your mom. I'm sure she can hear the stress in your voice.. and you dont really want that now... So!! Take care!!
How are things back home? Stay strong - kaku will be absolutely ok. Hugs.
Piper I saw this post only now...I hope you are alright...((hugs)) and wish your dad a speedy recovery...
you have raised a very apt question here and I agree with Renu completely...you can never keep someone happy without being happy yourself...
although you are the best judge of this situation, there is also an option of keeping a full time nurse at home with your mom.
take care...
Chrysalis: I couldnt get over the post you`d written. It was one of the most touching pieces I`ve ever read. Of course, in the interim all of this happened. I disagree with you on that we end up giving excuses. Nope, these are not excuses.By using the word 'excuses', dont you think we end up pushing ourselves into an abyss of guilt UNFAIRLY?? Of course, the reason I`m here and not with them is not my career but my marriage. But then too, I dont think excuse is the right word.
D: Thank you so much. I saw it :)
Patricia: Thank you so much for your prayers and wishes. And we are thinking of getting some help at home. Maybe it`ll be of some psychological relief to us,if not anything else. Thanks very much for the suggestions.
Mystic: Hey, Baba is doing better now. Hugs back :)Shall email you.
DeeplyDip: Heyy hugs back :) we are planning on a full-time help. A nurse is pbly not needed at this stage. Not yet. I`m planning a trip back home. Shall fix up these issues.
Piper,
You may be right Excuses is a very strong word and makes me out to be an overbearing and judgemental person. And maybe I did become that while writing that particular comment. The reason being I panicked...the way people brush off this issue, are quick to talk about career, finacial requirements...is scary ...we set our own requirements i.e if we are not busy competing with others and using that energy to complete with ourselves alone..to be better human beings.
My comment was more a reaction than a response and yes it was not aimed at you because I am aware (kinda) of your efforts. After marriage I agree both the partners have to be on the same page to be able to take any major decisions. My luck on this front made me cocky I guess.And I know your heart is in the right place...you will come out of this with flying colors.
Piper,Thank God your dad is better for now. I can totally empathise with your feelings. Having Moved to Canada i went thru all this with my dad, and then one day flew back for his last rites.Left my mum alone, and Got back to my kids and my life.
Years later moved back to India, left our kids behind as they have made a life for themselves there.And here in India, am again a flight away from my mum and inlaws..we are not in the same town. We are once again connected thru the phone, the very same way that u r to your parents.Life is like that..it always does not give you the best of answers.I am tied both ways..to my kids and to our parents..but we all also have our lives and destiny to live.Distance in kms. is better than distance in hearts.
We are making the best of what life is giving us.People ask me how are we happy leaving our kids behind..and I say the same way our parents are/were by letting us make a future for ourselves.Its a catch 22 situation...with no answers..there is no solution.Donot feel guilty..when u cannot be there physically , u r there emotionally..thats ablessing too..not every parent is lucky in that aspect.U r there for your parents in which ever way life and circumstances permit.....U r in my prayers dear...A warm hug for now.
Piper,
I thought of you during yoga this morning. I have read in another of your blogs that you despise any form of exercise, but do give yoga a try. The 'breathing' and 'awareness' of the physical body plays a huge role in the much needed relaxation of the mind, even if it is for that one measly but precious hour...
xoxo
Chrysalis: Even if people were sure about their priorities in life,choosing careers over staying back home, I dont think there`s anything wrong with that either. There can never be a right or a wrong solution I think. It is an individual`s choice. You pbly disagree on this :)
Poonam mam: thank you so much for your prayers and hugs. You`ve hit the nail! It is a catch 22 situation with no right or wrong solution really. I`m feeling nice and happy after reading this comment :)
Salina: I`m touched that you thought of me and came back. I`m really very touched :) The G and some other friends have been asking me to do yoga as well. I`m trying to get motivated :):) I guess I shall start soon..
i see my parents struggling with such decisions and it saddens me. scares me about when i'd have to make similar decisions myself.
thankfully, ur mom does have some support system back home. hope kaku's okay now.
i really wouldn't know what to suggest :( but don't blame yourself. it's just something that can't be resolved as simply as one would wish.
much love and hugs. take care
Piper, My heart goes out to you... Everything you have written are things I live in fear of...It is such a scary situation... That guilt of not being able to be with parents when they need you the most.. My parents feel very strongly that they want to live at an old age home when they reach that state - but thinking of it makes me feel so sad....
Anyways, it is a relief to know that your Dad is okay now.. Take care and hugs..
hey its been a while have not heard back from you. unles uve replied to my work email.
Hoping everythigns ok and your doing better... hug.
Piper! Take care dear... and I agree with D .. and I know how you must be feeling....
Take care dearie.. I feel a bond with you, genli.. mebbe since you have some roots at Cal.. and I have been there long.. I feel a strange bonding with you.. it kinda unnerved me to read this.. i might be posting a very incoherent comment.. take care dear... take care
pseudo intellectual: Thanks for your wishes. And yes, the thought that Mom has some support system atleast, gives us a lot of relief.Hopefully things shall be fine.
Smitha: I know, it feels sad to think of parents in old age institutions, but that is because we have been tuned to think that its a 'bad' place, for the abandoned. That is not so. NOt in today`s world. I`m sure things will work out for you, as well as for everyone of us who`s in this dilemma :) thanks for your wishes.
Serendipity: hey..I didnt reply to your email. Infact I had forgotten about it until now :( Dad`s doing much better(knock on wood!) and I`m generally feeling so much more at peace. Planning a trip back home. Shall write more one of these days.
Amrita: thank you my friend. I know what you mean.. Thank you for your wishes..
Piper - I'm glad your Baba is back home...I am living in constant guilt, knowing that I live far away and my Baba isn't getting younger..Though my brother is in Bangalore, I wish I could have lived closer..I feel guilty, but don't really know what to do about it :-( Hang in there.. Hugs!!
Disagree I do...but those are the values I cherish ...how I will stick to them is my personal challenge...if I don't I hope I have the courage to say that I failed. Anyways I have yet another post on this do check it out.:)
Domestic Diva : thank you my friend. I know what you mean..
Chrysalis: I COMPLETELY disagree with the use of 'values' here. But I shall read your post first before posting my own thoughts on this.
I can only empathise with you. These are very tough decisions and one has to find one's own peace in these matters.
We left for Toronto in Jun 2000. The only thing that I insisted during my entire stay in Canada was to have a minimum of $2000 in the savings account so that we could buy a ticket home...at short notice. In 2001 we were woken up at 4:30 am with a telephone call... my wife caught the first flight home to reach Delhi just in time to attend the last rites of my father in law.
We came back to India in 2006. During my routine medical for flying, I was asked to go through angiogram and they found blockages and wanted immediate bypass to be done on me. I asked my wife not to let the kids know, but she did....guess what, my daughter and her husband flew down before I went in for surgery.
Happy events are always planned in advance generally. It is those telephone calls at unearthly hours that we dread. I wish there were answers to life's puzzles... what is right today, may not be so tomorrow.. This is life, I suppose.
JP Joshi Sir: Thank you for sharing your experience with me. Yes, you`re right. Happy events can be planned for. But life isnt always happy. Sometimes there can never be a happy solution to life`s puzzles. BUt I`m tring..
Oh Piper I came at random to your blog via Mimi's . Hugs , my dear . the post was chilling . I hope he's better . The questions you raised are so valid but what can you do ? Other than rely on good neighbours and relatives .
eve`s lungs: Thank you so much for the words of support. It is a difficult call to make,I know. Leaving aging parents to fend for themselves. Anyway, Thank you for dropping by. And welcome to my space :)
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