I judge myself by what I think I am capable of doing.
While Others have always judged me by what I have done.
Logically speaking,this should make perfect sense, shouldnt it?
What doesnt, is that the two continue to remain startlingly and immutably disjunctive. No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to coalesce the two.
I have never ever in my life, performed the way I think I am capable of performing.
And therein lies the biggest irony of my life. Many a time,I desperately needed to ace a particular test or atleast do reasonably well(I`m talking of a test, but it could be anything really),and I have been confident enough to know that I can and I will. But lo and behold! I have let myself down. Always and Everytime!
Does that happen to any of you? Or is it only me?
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16 comments:
I probably fail myself, in terms of potential, 50 percent of the time. I know this will happen. I expect it. I accept it. My reasoning is simple. I can prepare and train for an event, but no one can function at 100 percent capacity 100 percent of the time. Stress, fatigue, mood and a dozen other things might also enter the equation.
Of course, there always is the possibility a person is setting him-herself up for failure because, for whatever reason, the person does not believe he\she deserves success.
If nothing in this remark is the type of thing you are referring to, tell me, and I will try again.
Your first two lines reminds what we say about job interviews....
If you think you are capable of doing something, you can do it..if not today , may be tomorrow...you have to continue thinking that you can do it..
it happens to evrybody:) if everyone could realise one's full potential, world would be a totally different place.Most of the time we are using only 50% of our capabilities, reason may be anything.....
Hey Mishy, it happens to each one of us. Best laid plans you know. Don't get disappointed, I am sure it will all be for the best.
If we didnt believe we could, we wouldnt even try.
I firmly believe in the Gita philosophy of doing my karma....results are a totally different matter - they are not in my control. I have had many setbacks in life but never for want of trying, and thus just continue to live a very satisfied life because I judge myself by the fact that I did not fail my karma. I am not sure what is the context of your post and so have outlined my philosophy of life and living.
Mish, You are not alone. It happens to all of us. But I would say we can only try as much as we can. Comparing with someone and then getting disappointed (you didn't mention I am just suggesting) in most cases is not wrong because one can only do upto her potential.
Just be glad that you tried your level best. Hugs and reminds me of something I learned long back.
"Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana,
Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurmatey Sangostva Akarmani"
Fram: You,my friend, are good for my ego! :) Jokes apart, I did this post impulsively because I needed to know that its normal to function below one`s limit. This is exactly what I was referring to.
Sunder: I guess so. Just that tomorrow never comes!(cliched as it sounds):(
Renu: Coming from you, I`m happy and relieved. I have been depressed ever since the test. I could have aced it. But I did awfully bad! :(
Goofy Mumma: Thanks a ton. And thanks for hearing me out the other day on gtalk. It felt really nice.
Another Kiran in NYC: I guess so. I have always believed in myself. But now I`m beginning to think that its about time I go back to the drawing board and redesign a sketch of myself. I`m pblynot half as great as I think I am! :)
J P Joshi: Sir, I believe in karma too. That`s the only way I get enough courage to surge on.
Solilo: Thanks my friend. The shloka is beautiful!And incidentally, you guessed right. I have been feeling low because I have been comparing my achievements to other people`s performances! I loved the quote. Did I say it was beautiful!
Piper
Love the way you write. But you surprise me. You are intelligent. How can you judge yourself on standards which are completely warped. Admittedly we do it constantly and with a religious regularity and hence find ourselves lacking.
Standard Tests for example are the worst measure of our potential.I remember a question in the General Stdies Paper for UPSC exams where some squiggly lines were drawn and I was supposed to guess which river tributary that was. How does my knowledge of such details qualify me as a good administrator, fails me.
Anyways my friend, you are feeling low for all the worng reasons. Discover the purpose of your life which certainly is not what everybody else thinks it is and then measure your potential and your preformance.
Suggestion: Read some of our long forgotten Vedic Lietrature and the correct interpretations not the ones where there has been a deliberate attempt to misinterpret and insinuate false things. You will get a lot of your answers.
Bottomline : You Rock!
Happens to all of us, Mishy. I just remembered a quote a friend has up on her social networking page - 'to dream of the person you want to be is a waste of the person you are'.
Piper - It certainly happens to me a lot..I don't think I am a good test taker..but then in the end the important thing is if you've tried your best..Cheer up :-)
Piper I am beginning to sound like a broken tape recorder at every post of yours - 'i cant believe you feel the same way!'
there is lots i know i am capable of...but am not able to do...lots of times for certain important tests/ exams/ interviews...i have messed up despite knowing i could have done it well!
But then again sometimes I manage to surprise myself by doing something I never knew I was capable of...so it kind of balances out don't you think?
Don't judge yourself because you can never ever let yourself down.
You are the best because of what you are right now and not because you could ace a test or land a plum job
Gradually you will see there are more things important to life than that.
Chrysalis: Thanks :) I guess it was 'a momentary lapse of reason' that wasnt all too momentary :) I`ve managed to emerge from the shock phase :0
Mystic: :) HUgs for the fabulous quote. It made my day!
Domestic Diva: :) I love your blog name :) I guess you`re right. Like I told you before, I guess this really doesnt matter in the long run.
Sunshine: Kiddo, well its been a reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaalllllly long time I`ve surprised myself :) :) you`re right. I think we`re similar in a lot of ways too :)
Sandeepa: I know, I`m trying to figure that out. That seriously, there are way too many more important things in life than a botched up test! :) And hey, I tried commenting on your post. Didnt work out. I think the tiger story was adorable. HUgs to the lil one :)
Please be kinder to yourself, Mishy! I feel the same way about me letting myself down, but a good friend often said to me :'Love yourself!'. Things mostly happen for the best, if that's any consolation.
Can be disappointing!
But I don't have much faith in standardised tests.
In fact I have a post in my drafts about this...
I feel, in general,
most of us know - deep down what we are capable of doing, if you feel you are good there's every chance that you are.
So it's just a matter of trying.
If you believe you can, I have found, you actually can. (Not just repeating what I have heard, I have seen this happening, many times.)
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