Roots..

Having read NC`s post, I have not stopped wondering. Where are my roots? What does the word mean anyway?

The online dictionary states :

1. The underground portion of a plant that serves as support, draws minerals and water from the surrounding soil ; may be embedded and not always visible and sometimes stores food.

{* For starters, I`m not a plant! Hence the fact that I really cant seem to find my roots!
Seriously.
*And secondly,Parts of me that store food arent necessarily 'underground' or 'not visible'! }
Cant believe my sense of humour! Must go drown!
*Piper heads for the lake..!*

2. A base or essential support, a basic core

{ Where is my base? Who, until now, have I ever depended upon for support in any form? Never have. I`ve never really *belonged* anywhere. Yes, my nomadic existence for most parts of life,without a fixed domicile(or atleast the parts I was grown-up enough to register) had been harnessed into a circumscribed (w)hole, demanded by traditional family and friends. But could anybody at any time harness the soul? For years, I have allowed myself to drift along with the flow. Herded into a line of mediocres and coerced into accepting the daily bread. Sometimes wilfully. Mostly, clawing back. Struggling to hold onto one sunbeam and spread my roots into the soil. Fighting to get a foothold, to stand up erect. To flourish. To flower.
And until The G came along, I had been drifting..like an autumn leaf in the fall.

3. A primary source; an origin; A progenitor or ancestor

Does the word 'roots' simply refer to the ancestor or the progenitor, or the stone-aged traditions and cultures that have been imbibed from them over a lifetime? And if that is the case, which I strongly suspect it is, then I will forever remain as uprooted as I sometimes feel. For, I will never allow myself to be defined by certain irrational rules laid down by a rural society,unless I see some intelligent logic in it. I would much rather exercise my own discretion - however big an act of indiscretion that may be! I always do. No matter what amount of unadulterated,unconcealed disgust be thrown my way. One cant always expect to live life as if it were a universal popularity contest! One would much rather live according to one`s own terms, rather than waltzing to others`.

4. Roots - The state of having or establishing an indigenous relationship with or a personal affinity for a particular culture, society, or environment

I have no personal affinity for any one particular culture or society - just as I have no personal dislike for any. I live my life the way I want to. Always have. Most think , that`s a crazy way to live. But that`s the only way I know. Or none at all. I have come across zillions from all walks of life. And I have continued to imbibe the things that have fascinated me and shunned those that havent. Does that make me any less an Indian than others? Does that make me any less a human being than others?

Some ofcourse might disagrees. They may find my rebellion against all age-old traditions overly teen-age and imbecile. Infact a friend once said to me that if traditions were not there to bind a society together, we would all run amok. Society would lose its social fabric. There would be a murderous frenzy if all were to do just what they deemed fit.
Today I feel like trampling on the neighbours` flower-beds. Where are my garden shoes?. Oh,wait a minute. Better still, know what I really feel like doing? Shooting down their cat. Where`s my gun?.. Ok you get the gist.
Rules are there for a reason. To restrain humanity. And compell our animal instincts into playing dead. Moreover, my friend argued that most people in various social fabrics in our country are pretty much comfortable with the way society functions. Why,most would never have left the warm shelter of their homes to venture out into the big,bad world. They would be content living their lives by the rule-book, never wanting to 'uproot' their 'normal' existences. Why on earth do I want to change any of that?
I dont.. But I`m entitled to my opinions, am I not??
I have nothing against people who find their roots in the age-old customs and traditions of their nation, their religion, their communities or even in their family heritage. All I`m saying is that I just dont seem to find mine..
However on some deeper reflection, I realize that I do find myself missing home every now and then. All the little things, you know.
At times The G and I even discuss plans of returning back. And I think to myself - perhaps I am inseparably bonded to the motherland by this slimy umbilical cord, that remained an unscathed whole through all these years. And even though I do manage to grabble at it now and then, it slithers through my fingers and out of reach,before I can catch hold of a scissor and slash it off.

I`m not like a tree with thick woody trunks and well-defined roots that dig deep into the earth for a stronger foothold. And come spring, bursts forth into a leafy mosaic of green and yellow.
Perhaps I`m just a floating plant. Keeping my head above water. Flourishing. Flowering. And swimming alongside the tide with my sauntering roots..