Coming back to Life..

I`m back People! And as always its taking me a while to wean in.
I`ve come home to a quiet white Christmas, glittering snowflakes, colourful glass balls, confetti garlands, distant sound of carols and little white angels flying over me.
As I leave you today with prayers for lots of peace, let me go find mine.
More later.

The C - Word

My Friends,
The reason I have been away for so long and shall continue to be after this post, is that a couple of days back my world crashed in. And I was busy picking up the fragments and trying to glue them together. I still am.
You know how life can be. Like a broken piece of glass. Even if you do manage to collect the slivers and plaster them in, the cracks somehow always remain. Insistent. Like a token of disquiet.
My Dad was diagnosed to have a serious ailment in the advanced stage of the disease. And I`m flying back with them to Kolkata so he can get treated at the earliest. In spite of the state-of-the-art technologies and advancements in medical science in this country as well as the super efficiency of the health care system, it continues to remain inaccessible to middle class people like us, due to insane costs. And I have to take my ailing Dad back home, because we cannot afford the treatment here.
I dont know for how long I shall be gone. I dont know whether any of you will continue to wait for my return.
And yet, the ties that bind me to you, my readers, are so staunch, that I could not leave without saying goodbye. And that I hope you all shall put in a word for my Dad, in your prayers. The Gods up there just dont seem to listen to mine.

P.S - Thanks for all the comments on the previous blog. Nope, I wasnt trying to influence anybody with my thoughts or make the 'environment unwelcoming' as someone thought! I was simply stating the obvious. That Money Can buy Me Happiness. I wish I had some more.

And lastly, even though I might not be able to blog, I shall definitely check my email in case anyone wants to write in :) Here`s my email address : piperish@gmail.com

A Lesson Learnt... part 2

Has anyone read 'A Christmas Memory' by Truman Capote? It is a story about a poor little boy Buddy somewhere in the middle of the nineteenth century. Buddy normally gets nothing for Christmas but hand-me-downs from relatives and a subscription to a religious magazine. He does however receive a prized kite from his special friend one year. And he is thrilled and happy at the thought of going out on a warm windy Alabama morning and flying his kite.
A small part of the story is also about how he was offered money for his Christmas tree but he declined. He believed that theirs was the best and nothing could ever replace it.
But that was then. Times have changed. Stories have changed. Lives have changed.
Today I learnt an important lesson. That Money can buy happiness. It always has. Not completely and at all times. In fact like they say, the best things in life are all free. But Money Can buy happiness. Most of the times.
The relationship between money and happiness, it would appear, is more complicated than the romantic entanglements of any of the Desperate Housewives. Guess what? Not quite. Its a simple math really. A directly proportional equation even a fourth grader can solve.
That`s the lesson I learnt today. And one I`m not likely to forget in a hurry.

Honest Confessions

As I sit here writing, a thousand rambling thoughts nestled in the aroma of freshly brewed coffee,tumble against each other in the mind. Like marbles in a game of rolley hole. And it feels like a homecoming. Truly.
I know I`ve been very tardy in taking up this tag. Infact a little comatose too,of late. But better late than never, I suppose.
Jira, Mystic Margarita, Nisha and My Space had tagged me to do this post a zillion years ago. Thank you People.

The rules for the tag are: #1 People who have been tagged,must write their answers on the blog and replace any question they dislike by a new question. #2 Tag 6 people to do the quiz.

Ok so here goes:

1.If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Deep, deep hurt. Followed by alienation with a vengeance.

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be?
Hmm lets see.. Off hand I cant really seem to think of any.

* Its been 15 minutes I`ve been staring at the screen, trying to think of one dream that I want fulfilled. Cant seem to think of any! Strange! Have I stopped dreaming then? *

3. Who`s butt would you like to kick?
The cigarrette`s! And trust me, I have been trying..

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
* Piper grins devilishly*
Lets see... buy a mansion in Sunset Boulevard and rent it out. A summer get-away log cabin by Lake Superior. A world cruise. And save up the rest to splurge on clothes, books and dvds. Oh and also give some amount to Mom. I guess I dont know what to do with a billion dollars. Gimme a few thousand and I`ll tell you exactly what I`ll do :-))

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
I do. Everyday.

6. Which is more blessed : loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone. Although it took a while to get used to being loved.

7. If the person you secretly love is engaged, what will you do?
10 years back I would`ve sulked and tried to make life miserable for 'the other woman'. I actually did! :)
But if you ask the Piper of today,assuming for a moment she`s single, I guess I`d simply let it pass. Have I started growing old already?

8. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
Education for the girl child in India. Its of vital importance that a girl be able to support herself when she grows up, esp in a bad, bad world.

9. What takes you down the fastest?
Hypocrisy and back-biting. It affects me in volcanic proportions.

10. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
If I give it a sincere thought, here`s what I would like to see myself as, in 10 years : a successful counselling psychologist and a terrific mom to a beautiful lil girl. Crazily in love, like I am today.
But here`s what I think I`ll see : a successful hospital administrator and still crazily in love. That`s good too, right? :)

11. What`s your biggest fear?
Losing my loved ones.

12. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I think all of them have excellent writing skills and are very honest in the way they document their lives on the web. I wish I had the guts and the freedom to. And Mystic of course has grown to be my confidante. One among the very few that I have.

13.Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Married for sure. Whether poor or rich is a food for thought, I shall dwell upon when I have more time :)

14. What`s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Look across at the G.

15. If you fall in love with two people at the same time, who will you pick?
Well, 10 years ago in the second year of Med School(when everyone was 'falling in love' with everyone else and it was considered kewl!), I had picked the guy with a better sense of humour. Now as the teeth fall out and the hair turns grey and twilight approaches with the speed of a jet in flight, I realize I cant fall in love with multiple people at a time. Three years through and The G`s still my guy. And that`s how it shall remain I suppose.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Nope, I dont. I always take the bigger share of the dessert.
On a serious note, what a weird question! Of course I would. I do. That`s the only way I know. Or none at all.

17. Would you forgive and forget someone, no matter how horrid a thing he may have done?
Nope. Never have. Never will. Never can. That`s understandable right? I`m as vengeful as they come. But only if you rub me off the wrong way. Very wrong way. Very, very wrong way that is. You get it I`m sure :)

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
In the relationship that I am.

19. If you were given a chance to trade places with a celebrity just for a day, who`s shoes would you rather be in? ( My own question)

Priyanka Todi.
I still wonder why she changed gears. I want to know exactly what she thinks and feels. And just how she continues to live on..

20. List of people I tag :
As i surf through the blogs I regularly read, I see almost all have already done this tag. So anybody who has not, feel free to take it on!

Edited to add : This friend of mine read the blog and called up right before dinner to remind me that I do have some special dreams of my own. To have a book published some day. A best seller of all times! :)
Thank you my friend. I`m flying high today because you`re there with me :)

A White Butterfly

I havent disappeared from the face of this earth. Not yet. Though many might just be wanting me to, considering the preposterous mannerisms I seem to have developed over the last few weeks. Infact on maturer reflection,I think it might even be a good idea for me. Because when I resurface, this earth by some miraculous snap of the heavens above, might just become more livable. Huh?
I feel like a white butterfly flitting around in a sepia rain, in search of its lost colours. And I`ll surface when I do. Here`s hoping all you readers bear with me and stick on until then. Much Love.

Shining Bright... and brighter.. :)

Ok People, I`m back. Not only have I managed to wean in(and how!). The guy with the sexy smile is back at the coffee shop. About time, I should think.
For weeks now, I havent been able to sit quietly, harness my thoughts and put them into words. I guess this post was long overdue. So here goes..
Firstly a sincere note of thanks. To The G for putting up with my myriad tantrums, for blog buddies who`ve become friends and friends who`ve become family. You all know who you are :)
Secondly, an apology for the late acknowledgement. But needless to say, its been the high point in my life - all the awards that have been been so lovingly bestowed on me. Whether I deserve all the acclaim or not is a major food for thought (which I will happily never dwell upon!). So allow me to graciously accept all the awards with open arms. No acceptance speech ready. But lots of hugs in tow.
* Piper takes a bow, walks around the stage waving and throwing kisses in the air(Hollywood style, no less!) *

I`m taking the liberty of bending a few rules here(so what`s new!) and not doing a proper post on the Brilliant Weblog Award. I`ve already done one before. But my heart-felt thanks to D, NC, Roop, Sunshine and Renu who all thought me worthy of the honour. Hugs.
I will of course continue to flaunt them on my blog.

The Best Friends Forever Gold Card is one of the best gifts I`ve ever received. Thank You People! You know, many a times on lonely afternoons, when nothing and everything seems to matter, I would often long for a friend I can share stuff with. Nothing special. Just a hug here. And a warm word there.
I dont anymore..
Its strange how nameless, faceless people can gel in so well. An easy camaraderie. A sought-for catharsis. A warm hand-clasp across oceans.
I hope that some day I shall get to meet all of you. Until then, Here`s to Us! :)

I have already received the BBF Gold card from people I would want to gift it to. But here`s my list all the same :

* Mystic Margarita
* Nostalgic Chica
* D
* Raising T
* Mira`s Mom
* Suki
* Roop
* Sunshine Gal
* Renu
* Apple Bee
* Jira

A Birthday Wish

Last night I had a dream. That I had managed to ensnare a royal eagle in flight, clip its wings and cage him for life. There he was, peering out of the cage in helpless anguish, nursing a broken wing now and then, longing to fly and dreaming of the day when he actually will. And I stood by,watching him silently suffer, endure, bear..
I woke up in fear. The fear was not because he would cease to endure. The fear was because he would cease to dream..
Happy Birthday, My Friend..
May you flourish.
May you always soar high like a royal eagle in flight.
May you be fully expressed.

I love you more than you`ll ever know.

Cant think of a title :)

Have you ever felt your limbs slowly growing cold, your face on fire, a deafening buzz in the ears and the mind going numb? Sometimes with pain, sometimes with anger and sometimes when gory memories from the past which you thought were long buried, suddenly jump out of their graves and come snarling at you?
In another hour I`ll be meeting an old batchmate and his wife over dinner. They`re here in town for work and I couldnt refuse. This batchmate, lets call him D, was never really a pal. Infact I dont remember ever talking to him much. But his best pal was my best pal of sorts for a while. I cant seem to remember why I agreed to meet him. But I do remember that I just couldnt refuse. Its not really as bad as I`m making it sound. D`s a cool kind of a guy and I`m sure he`ll get along famously with The G. But there`s something gnawing away inside.
It was raining in the morning today. I stood by the window watching the puddle form underneathe the window. In a sloshy heap. And I thought to myself, "How like me! One sloshy heap. Stagnant. With no direction home."
The rain continued to beat against the window. As if by furiously pelting down on it, it could wash the glass clean. But that doesnt happen, does it? Like the cold memories from the past, nothing ever washes away. And even if it does, the stains always remain, dont they?

p.s - Wish me luck for tonight, friends :)

Random Thoughts

Why are woman referred to as ‘the fairer sex’?

Why does the walk sign turn red the moment you reach the cross-walk?

Why does it begin to rain on a warm summer day when you`re planning a picnic lunch out with friends?

Why is it the windiest day in the city`s history ,the day you schedule an appointment at the hair dresser`s?

Why is the line at the restroom the longest when the bladder is ready to pop?

Why does a baby stop smiling the moment you click the camera shutter?

Why does the corner store run out of your favourite ice-cream, just when you think you`ll die without a scoop?

Why do late-comers in a theatre always have seats in the middle of the row?

Why is the boss late, the day you`re early?

Why do I hold a boiling tea-cup close and closer, knowing it`ll scald my soul?

Just wondering...

Back home..but not on track

Yes, I`m back People. It does feel a little strange though. Like it’s a whole new world. And I have to go back to the drawing board, redesigning again.

Today afternoon I decided I had to come over to the coffee shop at the University. That`s where I can get some substantial work done. So I did. But it felt strange really. I was gone only a month. And look what the cat dragged in, in this time. New faces all over the U. The normally empty bus crowded with strange, unfriendly faces. The gym teeming with freshers. Even the guy at the coffee shop(who incidentally has a sexy smile!) was gone! I`m feeling rather dismal.

Has it ever happened to any of you? You come back home, thinking you just have to pick up the threads where you`d left them. And lo and behold! You find those threads gone! There`s no comfort in the familiarity anymore. Because there isn’t much that is familiar anymore.

(* A melodramatic Piperish sigh* )

I, for one, am allergic to change of any sort.The G,on the other hand, loves to experiment. It could be anything really. Movies, books, food, meal timings. Anything. Even grocery stores for that matter. Which incidentally happens to be another thing that has me quite disconcerted. The G discovered this new Cub Foods very close to our house. So we`ll be turning that into our regular grocery store now. Which by the way, also means changing the brands of orange juice and milk that I normally consume. But of course, I have given in, grudgingly.

I like the brands we use now. I`m used to them. And although I`m not really a stickler for brand names and there`s nothing wrong with the ones available at this new store. Hell, infact the prices are even better here. But I hate the idea of change. Even if it means changing the brand of orange juice I have. You get the gist. Does that sound a little weird?

I know I`m probably being a little silly here. But I don’t quite like the idea of the campus being mobbed by a multitude of new faces in a new semester. All Chinese and Indians, by the way.

I wonder why I am so peeved. Is it because I always take badly to change of any sort, but shall eventually wean out? Or is it just a case of PMS? Or maybe, just maybe there`s a small fraction of me longing to be a part of a new semester, a new beginning and I know I cant really have any of that. Not right away, in any case.. Maybe that`s why there is some amount of disquiet in the mind. May be I shall be fine eventually.

Anyway, I leave you here with my rambling thoughts today. More later, when I`m feeling a little more coherent and bright.

Goodbye..

Hey People!
The party`s over. Finally! And in a few hours,we take the flight back home from Frankfurt. Its been an awesome break. And much needed. And now the heart yearns for home. And some good ol` 'dal-chawal'. And chicken. Its funny how they dont serve chicken anywhere in Germany. Atleast not in the small towns we were in. Only pork and beef! And in the last one month, every time I have tried to order something fancy at a restaurant, vivid visions of a hundred, stinking boars running amok in the gutter, come flashing by. Or an incident from childhood does reruns in the head, where a hundred enthusiastic cow-worshippers in Kolkata had taken out a rally, shouting slogans of 'Gai humari mata hai!".
(And a bengali youth, notorious for his irreverance, had shouted back - "Woh to tum logon ke shakal se hi maloom par raha hai!")

So I have pretty much lived on grass for the last 30 days.
No, no. Not that grass. Just some lettuce, spinach and some other fancy leaves.
I`m in no mood to do another travel blog on Germany. Though the place is worth talking about, really.
Anyway, so this is just a goodbye note. And a rather disjointed one at that! Shall write again,once I`m home. Do pray that I have an uneventful flight back, though I have my own doubts! I have run out of my 'Avomine' supplies, which incidentally means that a very nauseated and air-sick Piper shall board the flight tomorrow. *sigh*
My sincere apologies to all fellow travellers , you know, just in case.. ;-)
Ciao then,
More later..

A Lesson Learnt...

October 2007
Kolkata

The clock on the railway platform said 5:18 am. I sat by the window seat in the ladies compartment,watching fellow commuters scuttle across the crowded Sealdah Station. Loud voices screaming out to each other. Aroma of tea rising up in the morning air.Vendors hurriedly loading their barrels and wicker baskets onto the train. Newspaper men juggling enormous bundles. Last minute rush onto the ladies compartment. Catfights. And the smell of sweat, even at that ungodly hour. I sat there, waiting patiently for the train to leave. It would be any minute now. All of a sudden I heard this loud din and I looked across the aisle towards the door. Two hefty vendors were holding up an old man and literally shoving him into the ladies compartment where I was sitting. I realized minutes later, that it was only because his frame was so crooked, he could barely stand up straight. For a moment I wavered. Didnt know what to do. Should I get up and help the old man,who was by now,on his knees, and fishing for something in the torn satchel that he was carrying. But he looked a little scary. Tattered clothes. Broken glasses. Wrinkled skin. Shrivelled up eye brows covering two muddy yellow eyes. Forehead knotted by the years. And for a moment I felt sorry for him. Here was a man,not less than 90 years of age, threading his way from one train to the next, begging to live through just another day. What on earth could have happened to compel him into such dire straits? Didnt he have a family? What kind of a job did he do when he was young and more able-bodied? Or did he forever make a living out of the alms thrown to him by the daily commuters.
And then I saw him stagger towards me with a small packet of peanuts. He came and stood in front of me , offered me the packet and said,
" Ek taka" ( One rupee a packet).
A disclaimer at this point. I dont like peanuts. I can even go to the extent of saying that I really hate peanuts. Cannot stand the sight,smell or taste of it. I can be quite quirky that way!
But I certainly didnt want to turn the old fellow down. Whatever little expectations he had from me (even if it was a rupee) I didnt want to disappoint him. I was too busy feeling sorry for him!
So I fished in my bag for a 2 rupee coin and extended it to him. He thrust 2 peanut bags in my hands. I quickly returned them, saying,
"na na eta chai na" (no,no I dont want these).

And time stood still just then, for this one moment of truth to sink in.

He slowly took out a 2 rupee coin from his satchel and kept it on the seat beside me. Then looked me straight in the eye and said,
" Gorib thiki. Kintu bhikhkhe chai na. Kaaj korchi!"
( I may be poor but I`m not a beggar. I work!).
He walked away, leaving a downright ashamed me with another of Life`s lessons I`ll never ever forget..

True Colours...

I am peaceful today. Cool,calm and collected, as they say. I am Blue. The lovely refreshing blue of a calm ocean. People talk of 'feeling blue' and 'blue Monday'. But my blue is the sky making friends with the sun and cotton-puff clouds. The Blue of a robin`s egg. A Blueberry muffin.The Sapphire Blue eyes of a maiden princess. It is the colour of welcome water in a heat wave.

Red is inside me too. My red is not the angry,bleeding red. It is a happy colour, rising up inside me like a great ball of fire,exploding into the air and spurting forth small flames of laughter. The Red of a clown`s nose. The Red of the symbolic heart. The Red of the vermillion on a young Indian bride. The Red of a ripe strawberry. Red rubies and rust. The same red glow I see at sunset and at the wake of dawn. My Red is vivid. My Red is pure.

And then there is Green. Not the green monster of jealousy.But the green of Life and Love. Green grows in me like a tree, slowly bursting forth into a greeny mosaic of young leaves. Green is life when I watch winter branches become heavy with green foliage in Spring. The Green of a traffic light. The Green of a dollar bill. The Green city of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. The Emerald Green waters around a coral reef. My Green is fertile. My Green is rich.

Black is not dull ,dead and gloomy. My Black is elegant. My Black is feminine and chic. It is exquisite. It is classy. It can be shiny, glittering, stunning. My Black is not a reminder of storms. My Black is the sky at night - sparkling with stars and carrying the Moon on a silken thread. An evening dress studded with diamonds.

My Silver is a special colour of adventure and excitement. The stars at night. The moonbeams reflecting off the Silver sequins of a bold evening dress. A jet in flight,the Sun chasing it and making it shine. It is a dangerous,exciting silver of flashing swords and clashing 'en garde' cries.

And finally White. I save it for special days. White like the clouds on a clear day, a long dress and a veil. A white orchid bouquet. A white cake. A White wedding and Love. A White Christmas. And White oyster pearls. My White is always special. My White is always shared.




Inspired by an article in the Readers` Digest, read a couple of light years ago!

Rhythm..

Jostling. Shoving. Rambling along.
Hot tears. And angry sobs.
Snarling. Biting. Slicing.
A hand clasp here. A hug there.
A split lip. A bared soul.
A bitter word. A warm hug.
A hop and a skip every now and then...
A slashed soul. A soaring spirit.
Holding of hands. And a lingering conversation.
Fierce struggles. And a hot cup of coffee.
Heart wrenching whimpers. And soulful music.
A hop and a skip every now and then...
Ashes of burnt dreams. Footsteps in the mud.
Jingle of windchimes. Amidst volcanic outbursts.
An easy catharsis. A thawing ego.
A breach of trust. An act of betrayal.
A hop and a skip every now and then...
A staircase here. A brick wall there.
A blur. And a rainbow.
A skirmish. Or a war.
Bleeding hearts. And bruised souls.
Broken promises. And dreams realized.
A balmy embrace. A gasp for air.
A fall down the hill. With no direction home.
And a hop and a skip every now and then..

Life and I continue to be friends..

Inspired by this

Awards Part 2

Ok, so D has been kind enough to give me this award. And I quote her :

"The Brilliant Weblog award- a prize given to sites and blogs that are smart and brilliant both in their content and their design. (Ahem!)
The purpose of the prize is to promote as many blogs as possible in the blogosphere. Here are the rules to follow:
1. When you recieve the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back
2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with ‘Brilliant Weblog’
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).
5. And then we pass it on!"

And the seven brilliant weblogs I award are:

1. Nostalgic Chica : For the funny,yet endearing way she narrates her tales and because in every post of hers, I find a certain part of myself :)

2. Suki : For her brilliant style of writing and wonderful insights. And to think she`s just a kiddo! :-)

3.Mira`s Mom : For making such an interesting read out of a Mommy blog! I love the simplicity with which she narrates her tales.

4. Orange Jammies : For the poet in her, par excellence! You read her blog and think that is exactly what you might want to convey to the world. And yet,you never can.. She`s brilliant! Really!

5. Raising T : For being the wonderful Mommy she is,to Lil T. For the fabulous way she addresses her problems in life and finds simple solutions to them..all in her blog. I love to read her blogs, though I sure wish she`d publish more often :-) She`s one of the first blogs I got addicted to and one of the first bloggers who was kind enough to leave encouraging comments on my posts :-))

6. Chrysalis : For the brilliant and spirited posts on issues that all of us should spend time thinking about, even if for a little while..

7. Sukanya : For having the guts to bare it all. For the simplicity in her writing style that has me hooked!

One last note of thanks to D, for being sweet enough to acknowledge my presence in the blogosphere. And here`s hoping that we get to read more and more of her fabulous posts!

Awards Part 1

18 years back in time...
A little girl of twelve comes running through the kitchen door. The old sachel flying behind her,shirt hanging out and hair spilling out of the clutch. A sight to see. But her eyes say it all. And in her hand she tightly clutches the award she got at school. Excellence in various subjects. She won,after all. She`s not the useless brat people think she is.And Mommy pats her back,gives her a glass of lemonade and says, "Well done Baby. But who won the medal?"

8 years back in time...
A tired 20-something gets up to wash her face. Grabs a cup of coffee and sits down to study again. Nobody had said that Med School was easy. But then again, no one ever said it would be this hard. But she knows she has to go on. Violently rubbing off the sleep from her eyes, she roams around the hostel corridor, reading, memorizing, struggling to keep afloat. People swim past her in aggressive strokes. All illusions shatter. An intelligent young woman,set out to be the greatest doctor in the world, now stands by and watches people swim towards the finishing line. While all this time, with her head under water, she struggles to stay afloat.Coming up for gasps of air now and then.

5 years back in time...
Limping along, she`s managed just fine. All around friends and college mates take to the winning stand,while she slowly bumps along. People turn back with eyes of pity.Sometimes even disgust. Some think she may have been on drugs.While others think she`s fallen into 'wrong' company(?!!). Why else would a smart young girl ,who set out to win the world, somehow get confined to the last staggering few.. But she carries on,mindless to the insanity of the world around her. Bumping along ragged unknowns.Shoulders drooping. Spirits soaring.

1.5 years back in time...
A woman sits by the window of her favourite coffee shop and looks at the world racing by. She no longer feels the need to join the race. She`s content to sit by and watch the rats win. Not overtly happy. But reasonably content. And at peace. Here she sits, waiting by the window for The G to show up. And thinks of what to write on her next post. It started of as a past time.Her Blog. Her space. But grew in proportions to become her life line. As readers increased and comments flowed in, she felt something stir inside. A longing for a stamp of approval that is not hers. Vignettes of appreciation now and then. And nameless, faceless friends. Warm hugs and hand-clasps across the web.What she lacked in reality, she got it here,in this space.

And now...
A young woman of 30, comes running through the kitchen door. Purse flying behind her, shirt tucked out and hair spilling out of the clutch. A sight to see. But her eyes say it all. And in her mind, she tightly hugs onto the award, that D so sweetly awarded to her.
"The Brilliant Weblog award- a prize given to sites and blogs that are smart and brilliant both in their content and their design."
The G looks up startled, wondering if she`s sick. And then the words spill out. She`s won after all. She`s not the useless brat people think she is. And The G pats her back, gives her a glass of lemonade(albeit a lil spiked! Apple Bee are you reading ;-) ) and says, " You so deserve it,Baby!"

Aaaaahhhh!! :-))

Hey People! Its working! My laptop started working again! Just like that! Boy, am I relieved or Am I Relieved!! Going over some of the 'Greek' IBM Thinkpad sites, I think I diagnosed what the problem was. Looks like the poor baby went into hibernation because of over-charged batteries!! I had not the faintest inkling that such things could occur! The whole episode scared the living daylights out of me. I`m taking extra care to see that the batteries are only half charged now! Gosh! What a day its been!
My earnest plea to any and all techies reading this post. Is this hibernation thing for real? Could there be any other problem with the darn thing? What,if any at all, precautions can I take to avoid such hair-raising, bone-chilling episodes in future??
p.s - A Big Hug to Suki for her response :-))

Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

You know how there are times in people^s lives when they look at others in distress,click their tongues, roll their eyes in pity and say , ´All shall be fine´,while they smugly think that this could never happen to them?
Well, this is one such time in my life!
Just yesterday I was reading Suki^s post about some trouble that she had with her laptop and I sat back on the couch with a cup of coffee,passing smug, smart-ass comments on her space-
And Lo and Behold!
Today my Laptop crashed! I^m still in disbelief. Have been trying to start the darn thing since morning now. Any techies reading my blog? Help!! Cant believe this happened...

P:S Have been using the public computer here in the guest house. The rackety old keys are making an awful lot of noise, as I^m furiously typing away .
And exasperated students trying to study in the commonroom are staring at me with killer eyes. I glare back.
´My laptop just crashed´ I say, in an effort to draw some sympathy.
But the students have just about had it.
One comes up, pats my back by way of consolation and says, ´I^m sorry for you mate. ´
(pause)
´Still,´ he continues, `Just dont push it..`

I^m beating a hasty retreat! Any techies?? Pleeeeaaasseeee Help!!

The Fairest Place on Earth.. - William Wordsworth

Home to The Beatles and The Pink Floyd. To Charles Darwin,William Shakespeare and Lord Byron. To Wordsworth, Jane Austen and William Byrd. To Issac Newton and Captain James Cook. And that is to name a few..

The pints of cider just taste better out here and the smiles seem more genuine. The Sun more guarded. The moors greener. The air more crisp. The sheep look up startled. While the ducks simply mock at tourists in wooden punts.
The unspoilt English countryside. Just as I had imagined it would be.
We gratefully took the opportunity to take a load off and escape the chaos of routine life. Destination - Lancaster and The Lake District,including Grasmere,Windermere and Ambleside.
I relaxed completely(for a change!), lazed around, ate lovely home cooked meals(including tandoori chicken,chicken sausage kathi rolls and phuchka, no less!!) and spent a fair amount of time letting my shoulders unknot the prior weeks of tension.
There's so much to tell. Ingrained in my mind is the image of a family reading,eating or watching t.v, while curled up near a heat convector, tossing ideas of life plans into the mix and stretching out like cats. And all along,a little bundle of joy purring contently in his rocker, occasionally looks up and smiles.
Amidst all this, we also managed to wander around the countryside from one leisurely activity to the next, with a strict "no-planned-fun" policy.
One August afternoon post-lunch, we headed out towards the countryside. A tad too often I did think of buying a pair of Wellies(Kate Moss style,no less).But promptly let go of the idea for fear of outrightly appalling The G and his family! A perfect day in August. To a perfect place for repose. With perfect company.

The trip was splendid. An endless patchwork of fields, moors and dales, with an occasional break for a tiny little wooden fence.
Green,rambling hills stretching endlessly. Old stone cottages, skittish rabbits. Rambling rose bushes. Feisty roosters. Random sheep wandering about,alongside the narrow winding roads and rustic footpaths. The sights and sounds yet untouched by the passage of time.
Farmers still building wood and stone pasture walls by hand, years of history in each perfectly placed rounded rock. Here time stands still and the pace is relaxed.
We took a walk through the Grasmere village. Over wooden bridges and stoned pathways.Where you look over your shoulders every now and then,expecting to see a horse-drawn buggy. And you almost do. A unique mosaic of lakes, tarns and rivers, linked by wooden bridges. Houses with finishes of lime wash and distinct use of granite,sandstone or limestone for details. Rose bushes creeping up on the moss-covered stony walls in unexpected warmth. And bushy hedegrows fiercely guarding the little cottages. Walking across the fells or climbing their crags felt strangely liberating. Like I was free to breathe again.
The walk took us to the burial sites of Wordsworth and his family. And I wondered if the great poet actually layeth below!
Also worth mentioning is a Wishing Well in the centre of the village. Where I was so taken in, craning my neck and peering inside the cold,stony walls of the well, that while backing of,I bumped into an old farmer on his evening walk and profusely apologized to his unsuspecting dog!
We also walked by the Dove Cottage - where Wordsworth spent a large chunk of his professional life. Easy to see exactly what brought out the poet in him! By the way, has anyone read 'Dorothy Wordsworth`s Grasmere Journal'?
It eloquently describes her life in the Lake District along with her brother William Wordsworth. And I`ve heard its a must-read.
So anyway, we were warmly welcomed by most people and sized up by awkward glances from the locals every now and then. Slowly as the spirit of the countryside seeped into each one of us, we gave up on etiquette and the cheesy jokes began to fly back and forth. But somewhere amidst all the euphoria, I sensed a little something tug at my heart. A feeling so empty.Yet it weighed down on me. Something so intangible that I couldnt really grasp it. Yet it continued to disquiet me with its blue fangs. And as we drove back home into the sunset, it suddenly became clear. I miss our home, The G`s and mine. I so miss the ease of mind that comes from familiarity and routine. And so, no matter how splendid the journey or how fair the destination, I just cant wait to get back home..

Pictures of our trip to Lancaster and the Lake District

The Answer is Blowing in the Wind..

The nation has been 'blazing'. Literally. Serial blasts. Unprecedented violence and mass massacre. Mass killings at the hands of our very own Police force, not to mention terrorist activities, have become the latest fad. First Bangalore.Then Ahmedabad, where the sick and the grieving were targeted in hospital attacks. Followed by Jaipur, Surat and places in U.P and Jharkhand. Not to forget the Nandigram massacre on the orders of the Left Front Government, to stamp out protests against the Government`s plans for a Special Economic Zone. And now Jammu is burning. Unmerciful killings in broad daylight. Darkness at noon. Land turned into burial grounds. Nourished solely by a red,bloody alluvion.
The past year has been a bloodbath where all fellow Indians, irrespective of caste,creed or religion are forced to dive in.
And here we are celebrating the 62nd year of Indian Independence, like there`s no tomorrow. Probably because there really isnt.
Its a little scary to look around and see the callousness of the Government and its people alike. Are we getting used to terror?
Happy Independence Day to All Fellow Indians!
Yes, we have attained Independence.
But when will we be free..?

Goodbye People..

Hello People,
I`m off.. Visiting The G`s family in UK first. And then to Germany. Shall be a lil irregular with my blogs until the 14th. Thereafter, updates from the Land of Cuckoo clocks and beer :)
So long, Farewell.. Auf weidersehen...Goodbye for now.

A Hard Day`s Work..

The G and I finally bought ourselves this L-shaped table, spreading across the two walls of the home office,on the far side of the room. Nothing spectacular about it except that it seemed sturdy enough to bear the weight we were planning to burden it with. And like all good things from Ikea, we had to assemble the darn thing ourselves.
So last night after dinner,we set out to make ourselves the table ,that lay in front of us in small bars of wood and steel. The home office was a mess. Papers, nails, hammer, screws, blades and what have you - strewn all over the place. All the tools we`d ever require, lay there right in front of us. We started out with the smaller pieces first. Adding a layer of cohesion here. Fixing up a few disjointed parts there. Drilling in screws. Tightening the bolts for strength. Giving some leeway and letting loose for some flexibility at the hinge. Misinterpreting the users manual at times. Arguing over the routes to take and vehemently defending our own wrong decisions, only to realize later. And then undoing parts of it and redesigning again to set things right. Bruised by a sharp edge here. Patching up a few harsh exchanges there. Singing along with the radio. Sometimes disagreeing. But mostly content to be working together. The quiet amidst the chaos, a hushed testimony to all the hopeful anticipation in our souls. The realization that I was more skilled in certain parts and that he was good in the others. That our combined efforts were greater than the sum of its parts. And finally after a few hours of struggle and synergistic efforts put together, a whole path of emotions traversed - from hesitation, doubt and skepticism about how it would all turn out, to anger and despair at taking the wrong turns, frustration at having to undo things and start afresh to the sheer euphoria of having reached one`s goal - here I am sitting and admiring a thing of beauty. One that I helped create. And I am left wondering if it isnt the same with our relationships...

Roots..

Having read NC`s post, I have not stopped wondering. Where are my roots? What does the word mean anyway?

The online dictionary states :

1. The underground portion of a plant that serves as support, draws minerals and water from the surrounding soil ; may be embedded and not always visible and sometimes stores food.

{* For starters, I`m not a plant! Hence the fact that I really cant seem to find my roots!
Seriously.
*And secondly,Parts of me that store food arent necessarily 'underground' or 'not visible'! }
Cant believe my sense of humour! Must go drown!
*Piper heads for the lake..!*

2. A base or essential support, a basic core

{ Where is my base? Who, until now, have I ever depended upon for support in any form? Never have. I`ve never really *belonged* anywhere. Yes, my nomadic existence for most parts of life,without a fixed domicile(or atleast the parts I was grown-up enough to register) had been harnessed into a circumscribed (w)hole, demanded by traditional family and friends. But could anybody at any time harness the soul? For years, I have allowed myself to drift along with the flow. Herded into a line of mediocres and coerced into accepting the daily bread. Sometimes wilfully. Mostly, clawing back. Struggling to hold onto one sunbeam and spread my roots into the soil. Fighting to get a foothold, to stand up erect. To flourish. To flower.
And until The G came along, I had been drifting..like an autumn leaf in the fall.

3. A primary source; an origin; A progenitor or ancestor

Does the word 'roots' simply refer to the ancestor or the progenitor, or the stone-aged traditions and cultures that have been imbibed from them over a lifetime? And if that is the case, which I strongly suspect it is, then I will forever remain as uprooted as I sometimes feel. For, I will never allow myself to be defined by certain irrational rules laid down by a rural society,unless I see some intelligent logic in it. I would much rather exercise my own discretion - however big an act of indiscretion that may be! I always do. No matter what amount of unadulterated,unconcealed disgust be thrown my way. One cant always expect to live life as if it were a universal popularity contest! One would much rather live according to one`s own terms, rather than waltzing to others`.

4. Roots - The state of having or establishing an indigenous relationship with or a personal affinity for a particular culture, society, or environment

I have no personal affinity for any one particular culture or society - just as I have no personal dislike for any. I live my life the way I want to. Always have. Most think , that`s a crazy way to live. But that`s the only way I know. Or none at all. I have come across zillions from all walks of life. And I have continued to imbibe the things that have fascinated me and shunned those that havent. Does that make me any less an Indian than others? Does that make me any less a human being than others?

Some ofcourse might disagrees. They may find my rebellion against all age-old traditions overly teen-age and imbecile. Infact a friend once said to me that if traditions were not there to bind a society together, we would all run amok. Society would lose its social fabric. There would be a murderous frenzy if all were to do just what they deemed fit.
Today I feel like trampling on the neighbours` flower-beds. Where are my garden shoes?. Oh,wait a minute. Better still, know what I really feel like doing? Shooting down their cat. Where`s my gun?.. Ok you get the gist.
Rules are there for a reason. To restrain humanity. And compell our animal instincts into playing dead. Moreover, my friend argued that most people in various social fabrics in our country are pretty much comfortable with the way society functions. Why,most would never have left the warm shelter of their homes to venture out into the big,bad world. They would be content living their lives by the rule-book, never wanting to 'uproot' their 'normal' existences. Why on earth do I want to change any of that?
I dont.. But I`m entitled to my opinions, am I not??
I have nothing against people who find their roots in the age-old customs and traditions of their nation, their religion, their communities or even in their family heritage. All I`m saying is that I just dont seem to find mine..
However on some deeper reflection, I realize that I do find myself missing home every now and then. All the little things, you know.
At times The G and I even discuss plans of returning back. And I think to myself - perhaps I am inseparably bonded to the motherland by this slimy umbilical cord, that remained an unscathed whole through all these years. And even though I do manage to grabble at it now and then, it slithers through my fingers and out of reach,before I can catch hold of a scissor and slash it off.

I`m not like a tree with thick woody trunks and well-defined roots that dig deep into the earth for a stronger foothold. And come spring, bursts forth into a leafy mosaic of green and yellow.
Perhaps I`m just a floating plant. Keeping my head above water. Flourishing. Flowering. And swimming alongside the tide with my sauntering roots..

Life is Beautiful..

Last night, while browsing through various blogs I happened to come across one that read 'A picture speaks a thousand words'. Maybe Maybe not.
Sometimes when I go through old family albums ,I see a lil girl of 3, scowling away like its going out of fashion, and I wonder what could have happened to make her scowl that way. In other pictures, there are those big sad eyes and a scared ,resistant smile of a 9 year old,staring into the camera. Or the impatient pointing of clenched fists of a gawky 15 year old.Or the weary eyes and drooping shoulders of a 20-something ,caught unawares. I cant for the life of me fathom the depth of the emotions that were playing in the mind.The pictures just dont do that justice.
And then I gingerly turn the pages of the album.The edges now wrinkled and yellow with time.
And I see pictures of recent times, where there are bright, happy(and sometimes tired!)eyes and a fiery smile lighting up the frame. No more clawing fists, bleeding lips and bruised souls. Pictures,wherein Time seems to stand still just for a moment to quietly absorb the calm.
Do pictures really speak a thousand words? I dunno.. The G says my eyes certainly do.. :-)

Anyway, so last night I got playing. Its a fun game. Here are the rules :

1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.

2. Using only the first page of results, and pick one image.

3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

The questions:

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food? right now?

3. What high school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. What is your favorite drink?

7. What is your dream vacation?

8. What is your favorite dessert?

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. What is one word that describes you?

12. What is your user name?

The mosaic of pics you see on the top of this post, is the result I got. Cant help thinking.
My Life is Beautiful. And yours?
Feel free to try this out...

The Bridges Of Madison County - Part 1

No.This isn`t a post about the movie. Nor about the book. This is the story of our visit to the covered bridges of Madison County.
Yes, The G and I drove down 300 miles to Des Moines and from there, to the small village of Winterset,Iowa to create what will remain one of the most special memories we`ll ever have in our togetherness..
It was an overwhelming experience. Just as I had imagined it would be. Unpaved country roads stretching for miles into the horizon, lined by electric poles. Endless rambling of pastures. Cows grazing peacefully. Slow,sensual rhythm of the wind-mills,waltzing along with the untouched wind, unmindful to the passage of time. No one and nothing around. Absolutely nothing for miles except green grass, grey overcast skies and the two of us.
We took to the road, in what will probably remain the most special journey of our lives - in search of something undefined yet so clear.To explore the lonely existence of an Italian war bride; to search for any remaining vestige of the passions that stirred in her soul briefly and with such power; as also to search for everyday struggles of love, hope, disappointment and loneliness here in the middle of no-where . We went there looking for Francesca Johnson and everything that she once stood up for.
We ended up finding ourselves. Truly.
As we drove back into the sunset, there was only this feeling of intense relief. Relief that we had not passed by each other 'like two pieces of cosmic dust'. Relief that The G and I, drifting along the meandering flow of life, had finally managed to find each other.

This one`s for you, My Friend. Thank you for the fabulous surprise trip!

P.S - Posting images on blogspot sucks big time! :-(( I`ve posted a few in the next post. Most are of Winterset,IA. I`ve posted pics of The Hogback and The Roseman Bridge only, although there are 6 covered bridges remaining out of the original 19. There`s The G in one of the bridges and Me in the other(waving over my head or something!).. The last one is from inside the car - driving back home.

The Bridges Of Madison County - Part 2

5 Weird Things about Me..

1. I cant sit still at one place for more than a few minutes! That is so not me. I get restless and fidgety if I have to sit still for long - no matter where I am...!! Could be at a coffee shop or at someone`s place. Or even the loo! Which could be a blessing in disguise, when I`m visiting friends who have a single loo at home, with 10 other people who want to detoxify their bodies synchronously in the morning times! I take the least amount of time.Sitting on the throne and pondering over life`s issues is soooooooo not me!
Meal times however become a huge issue for us. The G believes in sitting for hours at the dining table, chatting up bull. While I normally gulp down food in a matter of seconds! Then I get up and pace the length of the dining room after every 10 minutes, even during *serious* conversations, which drives The G mad!

2. I am paranoid abt my hair! As in, I have to keep looking in a mirror to see if its in place! And lo and behold! It never is! Hence I go back again and again, to ensure tht the unwieldy strands are tucked behind the ears, just where I want them to be! It drives my folks crazy!

3.I once finished a whole 2 pounds chocolate fudge cake by myself! First ate half of it. Then after The G`s stern looks of disapproval, I managed to keep my desires(and fingers!) in check - limited only to opening the fridge door and salivating! But desires sometimes just dont play dead,even when you`re genuinely willing them to! The next day, the cake was gone - all of it - in small slices of course.
Nah! That`s not the wierd part.
After the initial high (pbly because of the glucose!) came an overwhelming sense of dread. The G would be back in 2 hours. So I hurriedly biked down 2 blocks in the afternoon sun, bought another chocolate cake and finished half of it - just so The G wouldnt suspect. He Did of course! :)

4. I worry to pathalogical proportions, when I have to travel. I want to reach the airport 3 hours in advance, so I`m there when the previous flight is boarding! Standing in the long lines at security check,biting nails and cursing the traffic and wondering if I`m going to make it to the flight, is so not my deal! I always reach 3 hours , mostly 4 before schedule! :-) Thankfully, both Dad as well as The G are in agreement on this one!

5. I cant hold onto one train of thought for long. I switch between topics with the speed of light and most people dont follow the track of my conversations. Almost like a mad man changing lanes to and fro at 70 mph like his arse is on fire!
(We always encounter a couple of those on our way to the U. Have you guys ever had any such experience?)
The G stacks up topics in his imaginary shelves as we scoot across varied topics in succession, takes them out one after the other to get the conversation back on track!

6. I know, I know I said '5 weird things about me' - but I have to mention this.

I am as vain as they come! Seriously! I was browsing over various people`s "10 weird things about me" lists and their humourous variations thereof. And I started thinking about what I would put down. It took me a 'laaaaaaaaaaannngggg' time to get down to 5 of them! Turns out, I couldnt think of any!
So either I`m an uninteresting, middle-aged housewife(do they use the term anymore??) with grey hair and a grey life, who doesnt have 10 weird things about her!
Or I think I`m The Queen of Sheeba and am just too vain to acknowledge any! :-)

Small Wonder

Lil Ishaan turns one...

The G and I have forever been interested in the develpoment of the human brain. As in, the way all the circuits fit in just right over time, as we traverse the path of life. And how sometimes it doesnt. The G has an enormous collection of books on the subject. I sometimes flip through the pages to get a general idea. And I wonder. At what point do we cease to be children, roaming around the world in wide-eyed wonder, without fear of the unknown, fascinated by the world in all its splendour, smiling at ourselves in the mirror,crying and yet not knowing just how bad the strength of the tears can sometimes hurt? At what point does the mind register fear? At what point do broken bones suddenly become easier to fix than a broken heart? Where inside all the grey matter,do the circuits click in place, so that little things (like empty bottles ,cardboard boxes, pieces of plastic or simply our own reflection in the mirror) suddenly cease to amaze us?

Pic of The Day - Lil Ishaan with his Dad

Am posting One of my all-time fav pics! Shall post more pics of Lil Ishaan`s 1st bday bash soon :-)

Desiderata

Recently a friend sent me this poem. It came at a time when I was struggling to find base amidst undercurrents that threatened to erupt in volcanic proportions. And reading it felt like homecoming. Like an autumn leaf, in a restless draft of wind finally settling down. Most might already be familiar with this. Infact, for some parts, I probably do not even relate to what`s there in the poem. May be you wont too. But I`d still like to document it for posterity! :-)

"Desiderata" - I hope it can touch your lives the way it did mine.


"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy...."

One last note for the friend who cared enough to send this to me :
I may not show it often, but I know just how hard you`ve been struggling to keep your head above water . I just want you to know that I`ll be there for you, my friend.
"Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend, Im sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind."

Tales from New Jersey..

And there he came towards me, ruffled hair,stained tee,bloodshot eyes (from not sleeping,I guessed),empty bottle in hand and staggering. I sat on the couch,watching him totter towards me and I wondered if I should get up to help. But I sat stil,watching. He looked around, trying to make some sense of it all. Then suddenly he lunged foward. And in the attempt, fell flat on his face. I stood up, unsure of what to do and what he would do. And then, in the coolest way possible, he steadied his head,looked up and smiled at me. The warmest smile I`ve seen in years. The kinds that made his eyes shine long after the smile had left his face. Then he steadied himself on his feet and walked towards me, arms open wide, rickety steps and that smile intact. And I thought to myself, " This is why people have babies.."



Hello People,

Those of you who`ve read my earlier posts, know that right now I`m at my sister`s place in New Jersey. Its a family reunion, with my folks down from India. And I`m having the time of my life! :-))

Shall try and give some interesting updates on Lil Ishaan, as soon as I find some time. Till then, God Bless!

Edited to add... (A Gal`s gotta do..)

A well-meaning Someone , who learnt about my 'Girl`s' night out yesterday,commented with much- felt sympathy about how sad it must be to try and have fun alone! A similar thought had crossed my mind as well. Layers of self-pity and indignance towards The G, coated my very being,since the moment I made up my mind to go out on my own. How sad it must feel, thought I, to be sitting in a theatre full of people, alone and watching a movie that celebrates lasting friendships.
Turns out : Not Quite! :-)
And for the next two weeks (until The G`s deadlines get over), this is what I shall do. Celebrate life and the essence of my being.

To quote Carrie..

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you, you love, well, that's just fabulous. "

I`m lucky I`ve found that someone.
But hey, does that mean he has to tag along, everywhere I go? ;-)

A Gal`s gotta do..

what She`s gotta do... :-)

And so there we were, the three of us as planned, being jostled along in a bus, enroute to the Rosedale Mall one July afternoon. The bright afternoon sun shone down on us, as we skipped along.Happy to be out having fun. It seemed like ages really. It was! What with The G`s super hectic schedule and endless paper deadlines, life had really come to a dead-end. Until now. Today was our day. Today we were going to have some fun, just the three of us.

First stop at The Mall, where I went completely beserk! A lil over the top,I guess, buying kiddie stuff for lil Ishaan. Until a phone call from The G brought me to my senses! He was calling to find out how things were going! Anyway, so after the shopping spree, there was just enough time to grab a quick drink ( at Caribou Cofee! What did ya think?;-) ), before we had to sprint across the length of the mall to the theatre for the movie.

Yup, The Movie of the year that I had been meaning to watch since eternity now.

I know, I know - everyone and their brother has given a rundown on the movie and picked apart everything from the fashion to the shoes to the wall color and the brand of sheets on Charlotte's bed.
Whatever.
I'm late. Carrie fans come, bash me up!
So anyway, Rather than do a big overview and an autopsy of all the nuances, this is more of a list (albeit a verry long one! ) of impressions and the stream of conscious thoughts that went through my head while I watched the movie. Some of which I was texting the hubby at work as it went on. Generally I thought it was very good although the banter seemed a bit forced compared to the show. But I expected that due to the change is format.

Sure, the show always thrived on salacious dialogues and jaw-dropping haute couture, but there was always a core that was about people and their relationships. The real insight was that you could use the show’s gimmick to really dig into some serious issues like committment, fidelity, sexual identity, family, class issues, and women’s careers.

Ok, I admit the movie is tamer and less gutsy than Sex and the City (SATC) soap episodes. The movie is about girlish vanity and their ongoing search for the perfect man in their lives. Yet it was great fun to watch. There were moments we were in splits.

The only obvious difference between SATC episodes and movie is that the men are no longer easily “disposable” and girls are no longer polygamous. Yet there is much to watch out for: love, hurt, friendship, labels, infidelity and fidelity (yes), fears, loneliness and emotions. All in all, very watchable and laughable.

Anyway, so here`s my two cents :

1. Why the hell are they using a silly Fergie song as the movie opener? Yuck!

2. Labels and Love?? I`ve heard of people moving to a different place to be with someone they love (yours truly!) or to be away from the people they love. But whoever moves to a new city IN SEARCH OF love?? And really, does NYC have better prospects ??

3. That Smith Jared turned into quite a man, didn't he?

4. OMG! What the heck happened to Candice Bergen? I'm not trying to be mean here but she's swelled.

5. I have to admit it. Carrie looked amazing in the Vogue shoot

6. Favorite outfit - the Proenza Schouler outfit she wears to the library. Especially those shoes. Darn! Plus, that library is gorgeous.

7. Saying "Let's just get it over with" during sex?? OUCH!

8. I know it's not really a Disney coloring book but it sure looks like it.

9. The Closet - WOW! Not that I would want that exact one, but the dream of so much space... sigh!

10.The whole Carrie wedding thing was well done (but I have to say, she looked a state with a dead bird on her head and very stark red lips/black eye make up) - but it was too predictable. As soon as the dress arrived, I knew it would end in tears. Admit it people, we all had our doubts about Big, didn’t we??

11. Whoever packs boxes wearing those kinda clothes?!

12. You'd think the gang would be used to seeing Samantha by the 5th "homecoming". Geez.

. Okay, yeah, I'd squeal for the 2nd bottle of Champagne.

13. What`s with Charlotte`s squeals all through the first half?? Almost to ‘Utpal Dutt-ish” proportions!! Did she always do that in the t.v episodes? Cant seem to remember!

14.. Just loved how Samantha shuts down Karl the d**khead at the rehearsal dinner. Loved it! But I'm not so sure about Big`s reaction. Seemed so out of character for him, to silently bear the jerk`s totally unacceptable comments.

.15. Carrie’s really over-the-top reaction to Big’s momentary lapse ,pre-altar(which is pbly understandable). There were many ways she could have gone when Big caught up with them in the street - it wasn’t necessary that she had to go to pieces with all of the high drama. It would have been just as - heck, more - believable if she’d whipped that stupid bird out of her hair, told the girls to go back to the church and have a great time at the reception, run off to city hall with Big and then off to Mexico. No humiliation, no drama, just a happy spur of the moment elopement. But then the movie would have suddenly happily ended, except for finishing up the other stories. No, No - dont for a moment think I`m on Big`s side. Just that Carrie`s exit from that scene could have been with a wee bit more self-respect. That`s all.

16. Best act of the movie - Charlotte's face as she yells "NO!" at Big. It was spot on. Worth it to see the movie again just for that moment.

17. Did anyone notice that Carrie's phone is all taped up? She's not a technology girl. So she doesn't spend her money there. Nice detail.

18. If Louise is so broke how can she even afford a rental ‘label’ bag? It's still expensive. And the whole thing with her and the "labeled" bags just kind of creeped me out. Plus, I can't see Carrie ever caring about that kinda service. I don't think she would be down with the whole borrow and return thing. It's like pretending you own something. I don't like it.

19. I could so relate to Charlotte's fear about having so many good things happen and being terrified that something terrible was going to happen. Who doesn't feel that sometimes?

20. Dang it! Yes, I sniffed a bit during the New Year's Eve scene.

21. No one who loves shoes that much would wear white kid leather booties to run out into the snow and sleet.

22. When Samantha tells Smith she wants to leave him I was surprised he wasn't more surprised. I would have expected him to think she wants to move back to NYC and not leave him.

23. I thought the whole scene with Samantha scarfing down food on the plane was a tad melodramatic. Doesn’t go with her character somehow!

24. In the show, Miranda was admittedly cynical and could be prickly at times. But she was also clever, funny, a loyal friend, and by the end of the show, a great mother and a wife. I like to think the real Miranda is off on an island somewhere with Steve and Brady, because the redhead I saw onscreen was a nasty, judgmental shrew. The movie opens with her constantly lambasting Steve, for no apparent reason; when he cheats (which is something that Steve would never do), she uses it as an excuse to excise him like an infected boil, never once considering his point of view or the effect their separation might have on their son. By the time she and Steve reunited at the end of the movie, I almost felt sorry for him. In fact I really did.

25. I hate the fact that the "Something Blue" Manolo Blahnik heels in the movie have a higher and skinnier heel than the ones they are selling now. I just know it! Oh yeah, and that's a heck of a price increase from $525 to $895 ( or $ 945 or whatever it is today).

(yeah yeah so I`ve kept a track! Doesn’t hurt – maybe some day I`ll have the dough!)

26. Stanford Blatch deserved some more screen time, instead of reducing him to a stereotype gay character,prancing about in the background.

27. Where on earth was Aidan? I kept thinking that Carrie would end up marrying Aidan(who would of course miraculously be divorced and single! And waiting for her at the altar!).Turns out, the script writers didnt have that particular brainwave! What a pity!

28. After wallowing away, self analyzing and resurrecting her previous self, Carrie’s resolution with Big was too quick, too easy and not a poetic finish (despite the poetry). I kind of wish they hadn’t married at all in the end - I think that would totally befit the character Carrie was projected to be,over all these years.

29. Carrie ends up blaming herself (and Miranda) for Big’s behavior and, of course, like the idiot she is, takes him back at the end. And THIS is supposed to be our happy ending! I couldn’t say I was surprised, but I was certainly horrified. Big treated Carrie with a complete lack of respect. Even during the show, he only wanted her when she was unavailable. Yet somehow, the fact that Carrie “snags” him is supposed to be a romantic, something for women to swoon over. To me, if Carrie would have finally conceded to the fact (and consciously at that) that she was in a co-dependent relationship or what she thought was in love with a toxic, selfish user, the result would have been a lot more palatable. As it is, the show killed anything remotely likeable or admirable about her.

30. The entire movie is a celebration of being a woman, the friendships that save us, the new friends that heal us, the joy of being in love with one`s self and the men we love, in spite of themselves.
So as I looked around the not-so-sold-out theater, I thought “here are independent women, going out to a late show with their girlfriends or alone, and being proud to be a woman.”

Sex and the City: The Movie gives women four beautiful, powerful role models who are confident of themselves and pass that confidence on to their audience. That’s empowerment - being proud of who you are and proud to be a woman.

And so, as we walked out of the theatre to the parking lot where The G was waiting for us, I couldn’t help smiling, as I thought to myself :

“We had a great time today, the three of us – I , me and myself…”